Why Don't You Blog Anymore?

Oh, so many answers to that question! I've been asked a lot recently, so I am forcing myself to take the time tonight. Here are the main two reasons:

1. As you can imagine, I just don't have the time.

Double the food prep, double the laundry, double the bath time, double the clean up time, and going to bed later just isn't an option for me or my health. I know you totally understand!

2. The second is a little more complicated. As you know, we can't share any details about the boys' case or status, as it is technically an "open case". And now that we've been doing this for a few months, I have found this part really difficult. You guys know me - I love to share! I love to be real. I love to be honest with people. So I have found it really hard on me emotionally to not share and be honest with this heartbreaking story we live with everyday. Guys, it's heartbreaking. And we can't share the entire story with anyone. And this breaks my heart a little bit more.

On top of that, there is a birth parent still in the picture with these kids, and that makes social media and public information just more risky. Better safe than sorry with this kind of stuff, right?

And to add insult to injury, I can't post pictures. This part has also been super difficult. I can't show you the joy of them doing something for the first time like petting goats at the fair. I can't show you the cuteness of all our kids hugging or playing together.  I can't show you how happy they are at preschool and church, and I can't post the sheer child-like happiness of a kid at his birthday party, ecstatic that the world revolved around him for a few hours. Again, my heart just breaks. 

So I just can't do it. I can't try to navigate around all the technicalities. I can't take the time to do this instead of other things that should take priority. And I know you will understand. And I will totally appreciate it if you ask me in person how it's going. :) And for those of you who don't see me in person, please keep praying for us. We need your prayers, we covet them, we feel them, and we are so, so thankful for them! So keep praying. Keep praying Jesus just oozes out of this whole thing with a big, fat dose of hope and redemption! And I will try to keep you as posted as I can. :) Thanks for your understanding.

Good night, friends!

How are we doing?

Thanks for all of you who have asked - Dan is on bedtime duty, and because it's a holiday, here's me making time to blog! :)

We are doing well. We have four kids ages 4, 3, 2, and 2. It's toddler insanity! But we have much to be thankful for, friends. The boys are healthy and really, really cute. The kids do, for the most part, in their toddler way, get along. (We don't see any major personality clashes.) The boys are excellent sleepers.  Mr. F is potty trained! Mr. G eats really well. We have already seen a lot of progress in the boys' behaviors. Kate is taking her role as oldest very seriously (most of the time). Their ages, although extremely close, are exactly what we felt the Lord calling us to. We are also very, very thankful Dan was on summer break when we were placed - the Lord has been so, so faithful!

There are moments of glorious play and fun. Tonight, three were sitting on one of those bopper blow ups sideways, and all together bouncing and rolling off backwards into the grass together. When they all decide to play tag it is adorable. When they all have food in their mouths, and it's quiet for a split second at the dinner table, Dan and I look at each other and exhale.

Thank you for praying with us. For choosing to come with us on this journey. We appreciate you - our support - sooo much! And so I will share that yes, this is the hardest thing we have ever done. We are totally in over our heads. Here are *some* of the challenges you can put to prayer for us...

Chloe, although she talks like she's 4, is only 2. She was exerting her "terrible twos" before this process, and as she finds herself in the middle child role she is struggling to try to figure it all out. Both the boys are speech delayed. Mr. G is saying more words now, but is pretty much non-verbal. They will be put into speech therapy eventually, but we are trying to give them tools now to communicate.  Mr. F really struggles socially - can't play independently, but doesn't play well with others. Although we've seen drastic improvements since placement, tantrums are still an issue by both. (But praise - today was the FIRST day Mr. G didn't have a severe one! Progress!)

Dan and I - we could use more uninterrupted sleep (our girls night waking and a 6am wake up time by all 4 kids are the culprits). We hope we can get it all done when school starts. We are so thankful we've both been home to be on top of the wash, cooking, cleaning and discipline, but holy cow - what will the school year look like? I could use a maid to do the deep cleaning - or a babysitter so I can do the cleaning. Dan could use more time and space to prepare for his school year and choir camp. Dan could also use your prayers and assistance the two weeks he's alone with the kids when I go back to work.

A highlight to end on, though - a few nights ago, we went to a park to take family pictures with a friend. We ate dinner in the park, played for a while, then took pictures. It was so fun, went so well, and by the looks of just a few of the pictures she let me peek at, these pictures of the kids are going to be ADORABLE!! It will be torture to not be able to post them online when we get them! Sooo...if you would like to meet the boys, see the pictures, and/or give us a break for a few minutes to entertain little ones, you are officially invited to come visit us anytime in the next few weeks - if you're brave enough! ;)

Praising the Lord tonight for His faithfulness, and that He calls us to a much fuller, abundant, challenging life than we could ever dream of on our own. Praying your summer is going well and involves a God-filled adventure!

This Week - THE week!

Well, folks, we are almost to the start line!

So many of you have been kind to ask - the interviews went well this week. Turns out it really does take about 9 hours (3 together, 3 with myself, 3 with Dan) to tell your whole life story! And that's what we did this past week. If everything "looks good", we should be cleared and certified by late Tuesday or Wednesday. It could take longer if our social worker needs follow up interviews with us. Quite the waiting game, isn't it?

Either way, it looks like we will be certified this week, which means we wait by the phone for a call.

When we do get a call, they will tell us some details about the kids, and we will either accept the placement or not. It is our understanding that when children need placements, the county calls several places to try to find homes - and Serenity is one of those places. So even if we say yes to a placement, the Serenity social worker calls the county back to let them know they've found a home, and in that time frame, another home might have already been secured. Likewise, we may very well get calls for placements that don't fit our parameters, and then Dan and I will have to decided whether to accept or not. So even the first call might not be "the" call.

When we accept a placement, we will either go to Serenity to pick the boys up, or they will be dropped off at our house. At that point we will assess how much stuff they have with them and make a store run. I will go on FMLA leave for a month, and Dan is out for the summer on Thursday.

And our plans? Just spend time together. Play hard. Learn each other. Figure it all out. In training, they talked about there definitely being a honeymoon stage. This might very well be our summer together, but we are going to make the most of it!

Thank you for walking with us this far - I would imagine our prayer requests will change rapidly once we have the boys! We do need to let you know, though - once we are placed, we are not allowed to talk about the family/history/situation of the boys. Yes, we will know what put them in the system and be updated, but because this is their story and not ours, we are asked to keep it confidential. The main reason for this is legal - their parents will be in a legal situation with the courts if they are given an opportunity to "earn" their children back. So these boys will be part of an open investigation, and because of that, we won't be allowed to share details of that investigation. Just wanted to give you all a heads up - if the first question is, 'so what's their story?', we can't answer that one. :) However we will do our best to keep the appropriate prayer requests coming your way - because we are so, SO thankful for your prayers!

This week:
- That Dan finishes school well, and 'Vacation Dan' (as I like to call him) enjoys his time off.

- That placement goes smoothly and quickly. 'Nough said!

- That we are approved for taking the boys on vacation with us. We have a week in Palm Springs already scheduled, and we are allowed to take the boys with us, but we have to get visitations rescheduled to do so. Would you pray that would go smoothly and not be an issue?

- Wisdom for Dan and I as we navigate how to parent four little ones!

And about the inspection...

On Tuesday afternoon, Nana took the girls, and Dan and I waited at the house. The social worker (whose name was also Christie) was young and sweet. She's an alum of APU as well, and we were disappointed to learn she won't be OUR social worker when we are assigned one.

The first hour, she did the house inspection. Although it's not a pass/fail thing, we definitely passed! We had everything in order and she didn't have any concerns whatsoever. Woo hoo! This is where I insert a huge shout out to my hubby for all the work he did on the house, to Nana and Papa for taking the kids that day, and to our small group who helped us prepare the last minute stuff this past weekend. Whew. We made it.

After that, we dove into the first interview - which essentially covered Dan and I's entire story together (from when we met, to engagement, through marriage, jobs, ministry, family, decision making and parenting...) - and it took 3 more hours! She took notes the entire time, and will eventually write a 22-page paper on our story and history. Crazy!

I do have to stop for a moment and give the Lord some glory here. When Dan and I have a chance to share our history with others, it never ceases to amaze us how blessed we are, how Jesus is the only reason we have a story, and how it is only with a firm understanding of His grace can we have a "healthy" relationship. Isn't grace a beautiful thing? Maybe because it's been 12 years of practicing, maybe with age comes wisdom, but it is so evident to us that the health of our marriage entirely depends on the grace, forgiveness, and relentless love of Jesus!

Okay, so to sum up - Tuesday went really well. THANK YOU for your prayers! We felt them! So what now?

There are two more interviews. I have one with her this Tuesday, Dan has his this next Thursday. After that, it is our understanding that we will then be certified and ready for placement! We are also still hopeful we could get placed that following week - the first week of June. :) Although it feels so much like we're "almost there", this is in reality just the first leg of the marathon. Placement is "really" the beginning!

Continued Prayer Requests:
- Chloe had a stomach bug this last week, and although she's better now, we haven't gotten sleep in a week. Would you pray all of us would sleep through the night and be renewed?

- A quick process. Would you pray that even after next Thursday, things would move quickly and we would be placed soon? If we aren't placed by June 1, I will need to come up with a childcare plan for the girls.

- Our family. A smooth transition into our home for everyone, good bonding time this summer, and wisdom on how to parent 4 kids!!

- Those boys. For wherever they are now, for sparing them of heavy trauma, for their little hearts even now to be longing for Jesus' love.

And to end on some adorable:
Today in preschool, Chloe received a few sand toys as a party favor for one of the kids' birthdays. As we are leaving, she says out of the blue, "Mommy, I going to share my sandcastles wif my brudders, okay?" (everyone insert the awww sound...) May her heart still be as willing to share with them when her 'brudders' are actually here!

Thanks, team! We will keep you posted!

Inspection Tuesday!

Hi friends,

So fun to share good news with you...the social worker called late Friday afternoon, and scheduled our inspection for Tuesday afternoon! This is both exciting and nerve wrecking, but we are so thankful it's finally HAPPENING.

One, this is the original timeline we were given back in April - we are thankful for that! Seems like the social worker's email was giving me a very conservative timeline, and it is a direct answered prayer that we might still be placed by June 1!

Two, we are even MORE thankful for our AMAZING small group who came over today to help us clean the house top to bottom with short notice! As I reflect how blessed we are to have these peeps in our lives, I pray you have people like this in your life, too. It is so encouraging to know we have friends who will drop anything and rally for us. :)

Well, that's the big update! Prayer requests:

Would you pray for Tuesday afternoon? Would you pray our house meets every requirement they have? Would you pray our interview goes really well?

There are two items I turned in to Serenity, but the social worker hasn't received yet. Would you pray those papers are found and given to the right person? If they lost them, they are not "easy" papers to reproduce. (Please, oh please don't say you've lost Dan's birth certificate!)

It is my understanding that after Tuesday, there will be two more interviews with the social worker - one with Dan separately, and one with myself. If there aren't any "red flags" coming out of the interviews, we will be certified and placed after that. Would you pray those two interviews would go well too?

I hope to have even better news to report next week! Until then, thanks for walking on the journey with us - happy weekend to you!

Oh the Irony!

So, here it is, Mother's Day.

My post this week is about how it's gonna take WAY longer to be placed than we expected.

I find it ironic how I expected to "be a mom again" by this time, but here I wait on Mother's Day. 

And then I remember all those times people asked me when I was gonna have kids when I wasn't ready to yet. And I remember a few of my friends who so desperately want to be a mom, but for different reasons aren't there yet. And I remember those who have had a rough time with their moms or no mom at all...a tumultuous holiday it can be, for sure. And I can't help but wonder what circumstance our future boys are in with their own mother right now. If this is a rough day for you, know that my heart goes out to you and my prayer is that the Lord would be the source of everything you need today.

So here's the update - I finally got an email from the social worker this week (yay!), but it was to tell us that we are "next in line", and we should start getting our house ready for inspection, which wouldn't be happening until the first week in June at the earliest. From there, it could take 2 to 4 more weeks, "depending on what comes up" (boo).

We were hoping to be placed in early May. That got pushed back to early June. Now we are realistically looking at early July. Two logistical things - one, it doesn't really matter if I take May, June or July off of work. Summer is slow in my office, and as long as I'm back by August, we're all good. BUT two, if we are placed that late, there is little to no guarantee the preschool will have spots still open in the fall. And not having the kids at the same preschool would be, well, rough. Logistics, logistics.

Now I know what you're thinking. "It's all in God's timing, Kristi - He's got this." "It's the system - it the way it is - just go with the flow, and don't have any expectations." "Don't worry, it will all work out." Yes, these responses are all true and appropriate. And I spent the entire morning preparing for worship "letting go and letting God", giving these exact thoughts a firm foundation in my heart.

But I also want to give myself the freedom to be sad this week. I am sad that we have done everything we need to, our packet has been approved, and our house ready, and we have to just sit and wait knowing there are kids out there who could fill those beds tonight. That thought just makes me sad. The system is broken, and it's heartbreaking. And I know without a doubt, this isn't the last time this journey will break my heart or disappoint.

So for now, I will grieve the bummer news of not having the whole summer to bond with the boys. And then I will move on to all the things I have to be thankful for, and trust that the Lord will all work it out in the end. Thanks in advance for walking this journey with us, and for being disappointed with us. We can't wait when you are there for all the highs and excitement too! :)

Would you still pray that the system would move miraculously fast through the inspection and interview process? He's a big God, and I'm sure He just laughs at our timelines! Our prayer would still be to have as much time as possible to bond with the boys and adjust as a family in the summer.

Thanks, friends! Much love to you all!

Continued Confirmation -

Yesterday was the day we were hoping to be the start of placement, but as the day passed like most other Sundays, I found myself swallowing my own advice.

I often come across students who tell me they "can't wait". They can't wait to be done with school, they can't wait to find out if they got the position, they can't wait to be engaged...the list goes on. I remember being in those places and wanting the same things. But my response is always the same -

Everything is a phase. Enjoy right now. It'll be here before you know it.

These words echoed through my head a lot yesterday. And aren't they still true? So today I tried to enjoy that both my girls still fit in my arms and on my lap, and I relished watching Kate take her dishes to the sink without being asked. I tried to change my tone of voice after I told Chloe she was forgiven, so she would really know it was true. And just like He always does, the Lord continues to give me patience and contentment during this extra month of waiting. (No, seriously - it has to be from Him, because I don't really have an ounce of patience in my being! Can anyone relate? HA!)

Cool things still keep happening in the waiting, though. Today I got a message from a high school friend (ain't Facebook the coolest thing sometimes??), and he and his wife are fostering and they are going through the adoption process this week. Let me tell you - standing in show choir next to him in the late nineties, never in a million years did I think we'd be having this conversation in the future! :) But it is so encouraging that the Lord keeps surrounding us with people on this same journey. So, so encouraging!

So the update: We are still waiting for Serenity to call and schedule our home inspection. They have said our inspection will be sometime the week of May 19th, but they will call to schedule.

Thank you for waiting with us, and for continuing to pray for us and the boys! We will keep you posted!

Celebrating -

As Dan and I celebrated 12 years together this weekend, we couldn't help but celebrate all the Lord has seen us through, all the good we are thankful for, and all that is yet to come.

Here's to a new phase of marriage that will be by far the most challenging - and the most rewarding!

Nothing new to report this week as we wait for a house inspection to be scheduled. But this weekend we wait with full, refreshed hearts, knowing He who has been faithful until now will continue to be!

Just waiting for the call...

Hi friends!

I've been a little off my Sunday blogging schedule, but I have time tonight AND exciting news. So here goes!

First, our application packet is ENTIRELY in! We got it all complete on Monday (here's to my hubby spending another day off of school doing "all the things")! We got a confirmation call that afternoon that our packet is now on the "adoptions" side of Serenity, and they will be calling us soon to book our home inspection. We also got the beds all rearranged this weekend to comply with the new rules. (see pictures below!)

Second, I am starting to get people tangibly asking us what we need or how we can help. (Hold the phone - I totally have to give a shout out to all of you who have already helped soo much! Mom and Nana and Papa with childcare, Christine - boy toys, Allison - the beds, the Vanas - more beds, the prayer over us - the list goes on! THANK YOU!) However, if you're still wanting to know what else, here's a few things:

- Once we get our inspection scheduled, we will have a Hawkins' house deep cleaning party. We will provide food, put on fun music, and hope that people think it's way more fun to vacuum behind the couch and wipe fingerprints off of everything with friends. :) We will keep you posted.

- We have to get professional pictures taken of the boys within a month of placement. Soo...I suppose gift certificates to Picture People would be helpful.

- Also, random, but if anyone is ready to pass on kids worship or Bible songs CDs, that would be helpful too. (I don't know how, but us music people literally only own two kids CDs for the car...)

And last, of course your prayers are always appreciated! If you could specifically pray this week that the last "30 days" of this process would be cut shorter than that, and we could get placed sooner rather than later. Thank you, thank you for continuing to read these silly little blogs of mine and walk with us through the process! We know we couldn't do it without the support of our family, friends, and community. It takes a village, right? Blessings on your week living into the truth of a RISEN Lord!

The Girls' Room:

The Boys' Room:
(Looks a bit plain still, but we thought we would wait to see what the boys like before we decorate!)

Quick Update -

Since I won't be blogging on Sunday, I thought I'd update you quickly on this week's development.

1. Our timeline has changed.

We thought after we had our packet in, we would have our home inspection and be certified. Well on Tuesday, when I turned in one of the last things we needed for our application, I got some clarity. Once our packet is complete, then it goes over to the "adoptions" side of Serenity, and they go through the packet again. Then they call to schedule the inspection, and then they have to do something called a home evaluation, which involves interviewing both Dan and I. She said once the packet is complete, it's usually another 30 days 'till we are cleared. 30 DAYS.

This means we definitely won't be placed the weekend of May 4th, which is what we were aiming for. Looks like it will be the middle of May at the earliest, if not later. This isn't a huge deal, but the later we get placed, the less time we have home with the boys in the summer.

2. Dan's birth certificate copy still hasn't come in the mail yet.

This is the last piece of paper needed for our application, and it was ordered quite a while ago. When it comes, of course, is completely out of our control. (And...why did they issue those abbreviated birth certificates in 1979 that don't "count" as real? Silly stuff.)

SO - would you pray specifically for two things this week?

1. That Dan's birth certificate would be in the mail TOMORROW!!
2. That the Adoptions side of the process would move swiftly, and much shorter than 30 days.

Thanks for being our prayer team and walking this journey with us! Praying you have a meaningful weekend, reflecting on our Jesus who conquered death for US! He is RISEN!

Almost there, but haven't even begun...

How is it half way through April already? Whew - time flies when you're having fun!

We are still waiting for a call from Serenity to schedule the inspection. I'm going to call them tomorrow to ask about the progress, but we are still praying the inspection will happen sometime in the next three weeks. It is my understanding that once the inspection is done (assuming we pass the first time around), we will be officially certified, and just waiting for May 4th to come around!

Dan has a long weekend coming up, and has carved out time to rearrange all the beds in the house. We also have an amazing small group who has committed to assisting us with a deep house clean once we know when the inspection will be. (Oh, you love to clean, too? You wanna help us out then, too? Come on over! We will keep you posted...) :)

And although we are so very close to being "done", we know deep in our hearts that getting certified isn't even the beginning. Actually going to pick up those boys and loading their things into our car and driving them to our home is when we begin. It feels a lot like having another baby - is there anything that can actually prepare you for such things? Yet we move forward into it!

My heart's reflection this week -

I have been asked three separate times this week "What If" questions.

What if these boys don't "fit" in your family? What if their birth mom gets pregnant again? What if they offer kids outside of your age range?

I understand why these questions are asked - they are legitimate questions and concerns. However, I find myself taking a deep breath before I answer. When we start asking "What If" questions about this or anything else in life, I think we are letting worry seep in. And it is my understanding that worry is a way to rob us of our faith - not fully trust the Lord to take care of us, not fully allow Him to sustain us. We can ask "What If" questions all day long, and it won't change reality one bit. So I choose to trust and not worry about all the possibilities. That may seem a bit naive, but honestly - we are not called to worry about tomorrow, we are called to trust and obey (for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus...) as my kids' worship CD reminds me every 14 songs! :) So if you are wondering about these questions yourself, I would ask you to lay those concerns before the Lord in prayer on our behalf. They are legitimate questions. No, I haven't thought about all of them...but I don't plan to either because no amount of question-asking will help us prepare for this journey. (And let's be honest - I don't have ANY answers!) But the good news is, we know the One with all the answers!

Again, sorry for the lyrics, but this morning we sang a song with the lyrics "You are the God who saves us, worthy of all our praises - come have Your way among us, we welcome You here, Lord Jesus!" And I am overcome with joy that He saves us! He has SAVED me from death! Doesn't that thought just overwhelm you sometimes? And if that's really true (which it is!), what would it look like if we all really, really said that He could "have His way among us"? What would we trust Him for? What would we do in His name? What would He do through you and me?

And now for prayer:
Praise: Chloe is officially potty trained! Woo hoo! We are out of diapers!
Prayer: Chances are we will be potty training again soon - patience and endurance for the future! (And that Chloe doesn't regress...)

Praise: Dan's musical is over and he has a long weekend off ahead!
Prayer: That he would catch up on sleep and have the energy to "do all the things" around the house.

Praise: The two year old is starting to really respond positively to discipline lately!
Prayer: She is SO two...there are some tough moments right now with her...we need patience and consistency to be in abundance...

Praise: We are only 3 weeks away from placement.
Prayer: We are only 3 weeks away from placement!

A reflective moment...

Perfect weather, perfect day.  Breeze blowing through open windows, birds singing, family working on the back yard garden.

Today, we wait.  The paperwork is all turned in.  Dan's musical is this week, which means we won't see him 'till next Sunday morning, which means not much progress will be made on the house 'till then.  The only things we have left to do are rearrange beds and do some deep cleaning.  This week is a strange place to be - just waiting!

And in this beautiful day and every other day, my prayer is to be present, enjoy the moment, and praise the Lord's faithfulness!  Isn't He good?  Isn't He trustworthy?  Isn't He faithful?  Every time He has whispered into my heart something new and scary He has also seen me through, and every time the leap of faith was worth it.  This time will be no different, I'm sure.  Is it the MOST scary so far? YES.  Is it the biggest leap yet?  YES.  Is this quite possibly the riskiest thing we have ever done?  YES.  But just for today...just for this perfect afternoon...just for now, I will be content and at peace.  It's a funny thing obeying the Lord - I think the spot of obedience is one of the most peaceful places I could ever be.

As we sang this morning,
This is my Father's world, O let me never forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet!

So because I don't have anything too exciting to report, here's some fun things to share instead...
- Every time the verse "He's got you and me brother, in His hands" comes on in the car, Chloe says, "MOM!!  We have brothers coming!"
- Katelyn has this light, thin row of freckles right across her nose.  They might be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
- Dan the Handy Man fixed the dryer last night.  Then did ALL the wash this morning.  I'm so thankful I married a stud. :)
- Our church is having to expand because we're growing out of our buildings...sure thankful to be part of a body of Jesus lovers on the move for the Kingdom!
- This week Katelyn got curious about what Heaven will actually be like.  SO cool.
- Chloe is out of diapers!  

And most of these are repeats, but prayer requests for the week...
- That Serenity would stay on their timeline and call us soon to schedule the house inspection.
- That Chloe wouldn't be scared to poop in the potty.  This one has been tough this week. 
- That I would have extra strength and patience to get through the week without my right-hand man. (I'm so blessed to have what they call a "hands-on father" for a hubby!)
- And for those boys - wherever they are, that even now they would feel the Lord with them and His spirit speaking to their hearts.

Hoping you are enjoying this beautiful day as well!  And I just have to ask...what scary, leap of faith thing has the Lord asked you to do lately?  I am so encouraged by others' stories of trust and obedience!

It's Turned In!

I almost had a hard time letting go of it - this stack of papers with a checklist of 40+ things on top and every box checked off...but Wednesday afternoon, I turned it in to Serenity! Woo hoo!  So what now?

Here's this week's update -

- There are only three things left to turn in for the packet, all of which are "on their way" in the mail!

- From here, Serenity will take a few weeks to go through our whole packet and get us scheduled for a home inspection. We now wait for a phone call from them to schedule.

- Although all the big stuff is done for the inspection, we will still need to clean the house from top to bottom before then.  (Can I just express how daunting this idea is? Seriously - every window and wall and baseboard? I can't even remember the last time this happened to our house. We feel like we might need to get a babysitter to watch the girls just so we can CLEAN. Romantic, right?)  :)

- BEDS. The bad news - not only does the age limit of "5 for top bunk" apply to our kids too, on Wednesday I found out the rules have changed again and the new age is now SIX! This is a huge bummer because the girls' room is pretty small, and it means rearranging all the beds in all three rooms to accommodate this silly, silly rule. So if you know of anyone with a toddler bed (or two), we would be grateful - otherwise, we think we will have to go the trundle bed route (with our girls - the boys can't have trundles), and I'll have to take the chair out of their room. Would you pray we figure this new obstacle out? And if you had a toddler bed, how long did it last for you?  (We highly doubt Chloe would make it to 5 in a toddler bed, but this is what we are going to try...)

- The van. Everything is fixed, registered, and up to date...except the air conditioner. We took it in one last time, only for the mechanic to tell us he didn't have the one special tool for the one special part to fix it. It's just comical! HA!

The girls: they are excited for the boys' arrival, and talking about it regularly.  We would appreciate your prayers for wisdom as we try to explain to them why it might be hard, and why they can't have bunk beds (insert emotional 3 year old crying every time I mention it).  But it's pretty cute to hear a two year old say, "da bruhders can play wif my doll, but not my pooh bear banket, okay?"  :)

Things to celebrate today:
As most of you already saw, Tuesday we found out the insurance is settling on my car for so, so much more than we thought we could sell it for! The quote, plus a random donation from a friend, is almost exactly what we paid for the dud of a van. We are SO, so thankful the Lord used this awful situation to show His redemption. Praise Him, peoples! 

CHLOE IS DIAPER FREE! We potty trained her this last week, and she finally gave up and went #2 in the potty yesterday! Pretty exciting.

Dan is my hero. On his "week off", he got the van fixed, did wash, prepped his Pop Show, reorganized all the locks on the cabinets, reorganized the garage, took down an entire tree, did his Dr. appt., got his truck inspected, and potty trained Chloe while I was at work! Can you say SUPERDAD? :)

And to top it all off, the girls both slept through the night last night for the first time in a while.  Woo hoo!

Keep the prayers coming, folks - it's powerful stuff! Specific prayer requests this week:
- Pray that Serenity can move swiftly on our application and inspection. The longer they take, the less time we get in the summer with the boys.

- Pray for the girls' hearts as we begin to implement all the strange rules. Pray for wisdom for us as parents as we talk and pray about it.

- Would you pray for my mom and grandmother? GG (great-grandma) isn't doing well.

- Would you continue to pray for our finances? As we project having four kids in full time preschool, well, let's just say we are stepping out in faith and trying to find creative ways to cut back spending.

- And last, please pray for those little boys. It isn't lost on us that for these boys to need another home in May probably means they are suffering through trauma as I type this. Would you pray this trauma will be as minimal on them as possible? Would you pray they would sense the Lord is with them even now? Would you pray for redemption for the whole situation? And would you pray for the smoothest transition as possible? This whole thing is about them. May we be faithful in caring for the least of these...

6 Weeks and Counting...

As I type that title, I can hardly believe we're close to a month away from lives changed forever!  It has been quite a year of preparation - the paperwork and requirements has made our heads spin for months, but we have tried to be diligent in the process, and now we are down to two major things:

1. The application (also known as "the 5-inch stack of papers on Dan's desk")
All the paperwork is done, but Dan is getting about 5 things done this week on his spring break to make this packet complete.  (His physical, his truck cleared, his birth certificate, etc.)  Then we will turn this in to Serenity, they will look through it all to make sure it's completed, then they will call us to schedule...

2.  The house inspection (also known as "retrofitting your house for the zombie apocalypse")
A social worker will come to the house, and go through every drawer, closet, and corner of our house, and do certain things like put a thermometer under our hot water and make an inventory of our food.  This could take a few weeks to schedule, but we are pretty confident we are prepared for the inspection.

Then, anytime after May 4th, we wait for a phone call.

An update from last week - thanks for those of you who have asked how I am doing.  We are still waiting to hear the amount the insurance will total my car out for.  Would you pray it would be at least as much as we were going to sell it for?  We know this is highly unlikely, but hey, He's a BIG God, and he knows our financial state, right?  :)

We still haven't figured out Houdini the dog, but Dan is home all week so he has some time to come up with something.

A bit of a tangent, but I have a confession:  I'm not a big fan of when people post lyrics as status updates.  I usually scroll past them.  Not sure why, but I suppose I'd just rather listen to the song...
BUT, of course, after a really rough day yesterday, Jesus brought to me to church this morning to soak up His love and promises.  And then - these lyrics - over and over again washing over us:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Confession #2:  It's really, really hard to ask the Lord to stretch your faith when you're in the middle of the stretching.  Hard.

This whole 4 kid thing...way, way deeper than my feet could ever wander on their own.  It's only by the Lord's leading!  This financial commitment to more children that we really can't afford...we know this will make our faith stronger.

So we walk forward this week, with 6 to go, with a few tangible prayer requests:
- Pray 6 weeks is enough time for Serenity to get us cleared, and that we pass inspection the first time around!
- Pray Chloe's potty training continues to go well, and for Dan's patience this week as he plays super daddy!
- Pray we get enough for my car.
- Pray we have enough money next month to fix the air conditioner in the van.
- Please, please pray nothing else breaks, falls apart, gets stolen or destroyed!  The enemy is doing his best to keep us discouraged with these inconveniences and unforeseen costs.
- And last, would you pray the Lord would give Dan and I daily encouragements?  That we could see His glory and where He has been?  That we would keep our eyes fixed on Him?

Thanks for walking with us on the journey, friends!  And if you get a chance, listen to the song yourself...much better than just reading the lyrics!  :)

What we need you to pray for -

I feel a bit of dread as I sit down to write this post - it's been a tough week, and living our story out loud is hard when I naturally recoil from anything that sounds like complaining.  But I need to lean into truth today, and share our story with you whether I feel like it or not, right?  Okay, so here we go!

Tuesday, I was in a car accident.  We think there was a cell phone involved with the other driver, but the cop who saw the whole thing probably couldn't have proven it.  Long story short, even though the cop gave the other driver a lecture after we pulled over, it was still technically my fault.  I'm okay except for muscle soreness, and thank the LORD the kids weren't in the car.  My car is most likely totaled, as the repairs will be about $2,000 more than the car is worth, but we are still waiting for a call from the insurance company to verify.  We were planning on selling that car next week to make up for the purchase of the van back in October.

To add to that, our dear little dog has decided to play Houdini this week and escape our yard every day this week.  We thankfully have many kind neighbors who have taken him in each day and called us, but Dan has tried multiple times to secure the fences and gates in our backyard (including the hill) and nothing is working.  We have no idea how he is doing this!  And we really don't know what to do about it.  It's a silly thing, but it's very stressful.

And to top off the week, yesterday morning Dan woke up to find that the tailgate of his truck had been stolen right out of our driveway during the night.  He needs to file a police report, but is feeling...well, unmotivated at the moment.

Now is when I turn the tide and list what we are thankful for - thankful the van is finally registered, thankful the girls are safe, thankful for insurance, thankful for community that bends over backwards to help us on tough days - there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!  And as Dan and I take the morning off today to rest, talk and reflect, it is easy for us to be very, very thankful today.  :)

What we really need you to pray for us this week is protection for our family against the enemy.  Would you pray with us for that?  Part of us feels so under attack every time something new pops up, and part of us just laughs knowing we aren't going to waiver in our journey, no matter what the enemy throws at us!  And as the feelings come and go, we are trying to keep the eternal perspective on a daily basis - this world is broken, it's not our home, and while we are in it, this is just par for the course, right?  John 16:33!!

Other specific prayer requests:
- That the insurance would give us the amount the car is actually worth - what we were going to be able to sell it for.
- That my insurance wouldn't go up terribly.
- That the Lord would work out the finances of everything - including full time day care next year (we have no idea how we're going to do that!)
- That our house inspection would go smoothly
- That we can conquer the To Do list that seems to be overwhelming right now.
- For my gramma, as her health continues to decline
- For little Karter and his family as they continue to fight the Leukemia
- For wisdom in disciplining our two-year old right now, as I feel like I'm running out of creative options...

Thanks in advance to you prayer warriors petitioning on our behalf!  So thankful that because of you, we don't feel alone on this journey.  :)

"Aren't you excited?"

"Oh, I bet you're sooo excited!!"  "How exciting!"  "Aren't you excited?"

I am grateful to have had several conversations today about the fostering journey - it's especially encouraging when those I haven't seen in a while ask me about it, and let me know they've been praying for us!  It's a sweet surprise of encouragement for me.

However, as May approaches, I have been hearing these phrases about excitement a lot lately.  And I genuinely understand how it's exciting to other people that we are "adding" to our family soon - it WILL be fun to meet these little guys! 

But if I'm really honest with you, excitement isn't what I feel right now.  Serenity trained us well - we are fully aware of what we are walking into - hurt, brokenness, trauma.  I am not excited to hear little ones cry for their real mommy at bed time.  I am not excited to hear about why their parents were so inadequate, the state had to intervene.  I am not excited to re-train little taste buds who haven't been fed well.  I am not excited to explain to my daughters why their brothers do (insert strange behavior because of trauma). 

What do I feel, then?  Well, I do feel a lot of peace these days.  There's no turning back now!  We're doing this thing!  And knowing deep down in our souls that we are obeying the Lord in His guidance has brought tremendous peace.   I hope you have felt this kind of peace in your life - the peace that comes when doing something really, really risky in your faith for Jesus - there's nothing like it!  Without sounding too cliche, it's what we're made for, right?  Jesus calls us to do very, very risky things!

Now I AM genuinely excited for some things, but they are things down the road.  I am excited to experience the first moment all four kids are really playing together well.  I am excited to see how quickly these little guys learn about Jesus!  I get excited thinking about an adoption day (whenever that may be), and I look forward to the day when we reach the new normal of a big Hawkins family looking back at God's faithfulness along the way.  Now THOSE are pretty exciting things! 

But for now, I look forward and welcome all the emotions this journey is bringing, one day at a time.  Thank you for asking us how we're feeling, and if you're excited for us, yay!  We will need your excitement in the rough moments ahead, reminding us of why we're doing this thing!  Thank you, thank you for your prayers and support thus far.  :)

High & Low -

When small group comes to an end, and we don't have much time, I initiate "High and Low".  A "high" of the week - a highlight, praise, or overall good thing.  A "low" of the week is just that - a prayer request for a not-so-good thing.  They're easy to identify throughout your week, and can be talked about - and prayed about - fairly quickly.

So this week, I bring you MY high and low...

HIGH -
I "got my Pinterest on" a while ago, and took a fairly large black picture frame, put a subtle patterned material in it, and hung it in the dining room.  Every week, we take a dry-erase marker and write on the glass a short and simple Bible verse.  We've been saying the verse at dinner every night.  It has been SUCH a blessing to watch our kids memorize God's Word before our eyes!  It's cool stuff.

This week's verse was "Sing a new song to the Lord".  And boy, did Kate take it literally!  Almost every night this week, she busted out her most creative, non-nonsensical, Jesus-praising, never-ending songs!  And today, walking through a quiet Wal-Mart on a Monday morning, she bursts out at the top of her lungs, "Jeeeee - suuuuus, he is our Kiiiiiiiiing, Jeeeeee-suuuuuus, he is aliiiiiive!!" 

Slightly embarrassed, but totally proud momma.  :)  Praise Him!

I'm excited to think we will be bringing in some boys to a house that will demonstrate scripture like this on a daily basis!  They'll probably think we are weird - or crazy - but I'm looking forward to it.  :)


LOW -
A few situations are heavy on my heart this week - a friend whose 3 year old son (same age as Kate) was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Another friend's 3 year old daughter diagnosed (will be confirmed later this week) with a very, very rare disease that will eventually take her sight and kidneys.  Another family who is dealing with permanent challenges thanks to a brain tumor removed last year.  And yet another friend whose newborn has issues (I don't have many details yet).  Please pray for my friends and their families - their 3-year-olds are really my 3-year-old, and I have been feeling a lot of heartache for them.

What this has to do with fostering - we won't find out a thing about these boys until the day they call us with a placement.  We will find out the most important facts before deciding to take the placement or not, but this most likely will need to be a very quick decision.   There is just this big, black hole of the unknown!  ANY situation could be handed to us!

This is where faith steps in and we trust the Lord with WHATEVER the situation may be.  But in my heart of hearts I know that even if the situation "isn't that bad", or is "an easy case", it will still cause us tremendous heartache.  These boys will still want their real parents, they will still have suffered brokenness and trauma.  There is still a very real possibility the first kids we are placed with won't be adoptable. 

Now I don't dwell on these facts and get depressed everyday, but the truth is, I need to know and embrace this future heartache.  I need to remember the heartache will be part of the process.  I need to remember that it is better to feel heartache than to not feel at all, and I need to remember I serve a God who feels this heartache with me and wants to heal it.  :)

So even though my low has been heavy this week, I praise the One who wipes away tears, who heals, who was heartbroken at our disobedience first, who loves us even in our mess, and who brings perspective in light of eternity.  And that is a praise, my friends.  :)

For the Prayer Warriors -

Warning: Vulnerable Blog Post Ahead...

I'll get straight to the point.   The closer we get to May, the more the Enemy brings challenges to us - trying to make us believe there's no way we can do 4 kids.  Although this doesn't surprise me, it sure is getting tiring. 

One more setback with the van.

One more rough night with the girls.

One more thing on the calendar that's unavoidable.

One more hiccup with childcare.

This week, Dan was at a conference for work for 4 days, and I came down with the pink eye bug the day before he left.  The good news - we made it!  Kate was especially kind and sweet this week, the girls slept *relatively* well at night, and daddy is back now.  The bad news - I missed two days of work, I'm still miserable, and now Chloe's got it.  These are the moments I wonder - well, DOUBT -  if we will ever be healthy, well-rested, and "normal" again.  What would I have done this past week with FOUR kids?  (There it is.  That's the doubting question I KNOW the Enemy wants me to ask.  I confess the doubt I have in that moment, and lean on knowing the real answer - even with four kids, the Lord would provide and sustain me!  That's what He DOES!)

Would you pray for these little attacks to stop?  Would you pray for health, strength, and energy?  Would you pray for great attitudes?  Would you pray we overcome this season?  Thank you for claiming Jesus' promises with us this week!


Things to rejoice over today:
- Daddy and girls next to me on the couch giggling away while making animal sounds - so cute!
- The sunshine!  There's been lots of park visits this week. (How do people buried in snow do it?)
- The fixed garage door thanks to the handy hubby!  I've really, really enjoyed having the garage back.
- An improving bed time routine!  Although it still takes Chloe a while to settle down now, she's not getting out of bed anymore after I tuck her in.  (Hey, friends - I'm gonna celebrate every little step forward today!)
- A GREAT small group.  I'm really looking forward to girls night tonight!
- My voice is a bit better today - I'm out of the whisper-only zone.

(Thankful lists are fun - I could go on and on!  But for the sake of a short blog post and getting in on the giggling action happening to the right of me, I'll stop.  The end.)  :)

Bunk Beds -

God is good - all the time!

Last week, about an hour after my post, I got a text.  "We have a bunk bed you're welcome to have if you want it."  That's right, folks - there's a white bunk bed in great condition in our boys' room thanks to the Vana family!  (I will post a pic later...I'm so sick right now I can hardly type.  Is it me, or has this sick season been out of control this year?  I digress...)

I start off with a praise that the Lord has provided once again because tonight I share the promise we are claiming through this process found throughout scripture...

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

We are keenly aware of the horror stories out there about foster kids.  Between the training we received at Serenity and others who have shared oh-so-willingly about their friend who's sister fostered (etc, etc.), we know the risk we are taking to bring in two little boys who have probably experienced a good deal of trauma their first few years, and the effects that might have on our family.  We are also keenly aware that to foster-adopt means the first set of boys who are placed with us might not stay very long.  We are keenly aware the stage our girls are in right now - picking up words and habits that have to be corrected daily.  But the Lord asks us to do hard things for His Kingdom...taking in orphans, giving them a home, loving them and teaching them about Jesus, molding them into who Christ intends for them to be...this will be worth it.

I don't say that naively - there will be battles over discipline, food, bed times, and language - things so deeply ingrained in them at such a young age - but I DO say it with hope!

Here's the thing:  God conquered death!  Jesus physically ROSE from the dead!  He parted the Red Sea for his people's freedom, and He can conquer the grip of sin in anyone's life!!  HE is the one who will love these boys, HE is the one who will mold their hearts, and HE is the one who will ultimately redeem them for eternity.  We are just his conduits for such work.

We cling to this promise, but we also know it will be hard.  HARD to have 4 kids and both of us work full time.  HARD to have 4 kids under the age of 5.  HARD when they just won't go to bed!  (Hey, this one is hard right NOW!)

So we acknowledge this, but ask for your prayers and cling to the Lord's promises all at the same time.  We acknowledge the tension that comes with obedience.  And we acknowledge that prayer works.  (Hey, you read last week, prayed for us, and BAM!  Now we have bunk beds!)  So keep that praying up...and have a great week.  :)

Between now and May -

As May gets ever closer, I've been asked how the process is going.  Short answer - really well, we are plugging along at it!

The longer answer is a review of some things we've accomplished recently, and the things we still need to get done.  Although this blog is a bit boring with the practical side of things, I hope it will help those of you considering fostering in the future!  We also really, really appreciate those of you praying for us - especially about the really practical stuff.  :)

What we accomplished in January:
- I got my physical, TB, and bloodwork done.  (Turns out I'm healthy enough to care for children!  Yay!)
- I got my CPR/First Aid done.
- We got about 1/2 the van's problems fixed.
- We got the van smog checked
- We got more child locks on cabinets
- We got the rest of the boys' bedding
- I got my birth certificate copy

What we need to do before we can turn in our paperwork and get our house inspected:
- Get the garage door fixed (broke in December)
- Get the rest of the van's repairs done
- Get the van officially registered (This one has been especially tough - please pray!!)
- Get the van and truck inspected
- Dan's birth certificate copy
- Dan's physical, TB and bloodwork
- The rest of the cabinet child locks up
- Buy and assemble a bunk bed
- Get a fridge first aid kit
- Reorganize and "babyproof" our bedroom and bathroom
- Complete our "Family Guidelines"
- Get the pets' paperwork up to date
- Get a water heater blanket

I'm sure I'm missing some things, but you get the general idea.  :)  Dan has a few 3 day weekends this month, so pray he is able to be really productive and get some of the bigger stuff taken care of (garage door, van, etc.).  Our plan is to have all this done sometime in March, so we have a month to get the house inspection scheduled and completed by the end of April.

Would you specifically pray for the van situation?  As some of you already know, the whole purchasing and registering of this thing has been a MESS.  It has been the most discouraging part of the process so far.  Please pray not only for justice and redemption regarding the van, but that it would be SWIFT!

Please continue to pray that Dan and I are able to keep checking off boxes steadily.  Some days I am overwhelmed by all the little things, and I have to keep focusing on the big picture...we have plenty of time to finish what we need to, and the Lord will continue to provide, right?  Right.  :)  I will write soon about all the spiritual and emotional prayer requests we have...there's plenty of those, too.  But until then, it's back to the to do list!

Thanks for lifting our little family up in prayer.  We are grateful you are going on this journey with us!

From a Mexican Prison

(Get comfy - it's a long one, but also a really, really good one!)

For the last three years, Dan and I have been helping out with Mexico Outreach at APU.  Amazing ministry, check it out if you're ever interested in serving with us!  (www.apu.edu/mexout)  We are the camp deans for the Summer 1 trip at the end of June, and we lead an alumni team that goes as well.  We have taken the girls every time and love the chance to show the girls another culture and serve together as a family.

This past June's trip was the first time we really started telling people we were feeling called to foster/adopt, and saying it out loud really started confirming it in us!  It was amazing to hear people's prayers and encouragement for us as we shared our hearts.

As always, it was an amazing week of ministry, but this story is about our last day there.  We had visited all the ministry sites, and on the last day our team was invited to go into the prison to hand out some shoes.  (Mexican prison is sooo different!  Their clothes and basic necessities aren't provided, so family members or friends have to provide for the prisoners.  If you don't have any, you're out of luck.  Mexico Outreach has teams who go in and try to help those who have nothing and need clothes, shoes, and toiletries.  We bring lunch in with us, have a time of singing and sharing, and can share the Gospel - it's such an amazing ministry.)

Anyway, our team was thrilled to go.  I have been "in prison" a few other times in Mexico, but never in Ensenada.  During our free time with the women at the end, I caught the eye of one lady and she approached me.  I was so surprised at how well she spoke English! 

I asked her how she was, and how I could pray for her.  She was very quick to share with me that she was in jail because of drugs, and she wanted prayer for her kids because she didn't know where they were.

I asked her if she was going through withdraws and how her body was.  She said she was over them now, and now that her head was clear, she felt so, so sorry for doing drugs and neglecting her kids.  She was glad to be clean of the drugs, but she was sorry for being a bad mom.  She missed them so much.  She had no idea where they were or when she was going to see them again. 

As my heart broke for this woman who looked so kind and shared so easily, the Holy Spirit gave me a few verses to share with her to encourage her (Oh, for the power of His Spirit!  How He always gives me the right words when I need them...how did I go straight to those verses??).  As I opened my Bible, she read the verses in English!  She could even READ English!  I talked her through them and tried to encourage her that the Lord gives us grace and second chances.

I only had a few minutes with her, and the call to leave came.  I asked her if she was interested in learning more about Jesus, who was able to forgive her mistake.  She said yes, she was - so eagerly!  I didn't have much time, so I pointed out the other ladies in the prison I knew were believers.  I told her that they had Bibles, and to ask them more about Jesus since this was our last day.  I told her to read the book of John to start.  She agreed, and said she was so grateful for my encouragement.

I prayed with her quickly, and just like that we had to line up to leave.  And that's when it happened.  As we were standing in line, waiting on the guards, the Lord's voice came upon me and I began to cry.

"Kristi, this woman's children are the kind of children who are going to need you and Dan.  This woman is my daughter.  She made a bad choice, but I love her and her kids.  And I'm going to show my love to others like them because you are going to take care of their kids in the foster system."

Confession: it's been a long time since I've heard the Lord's voice that clearly.  And it was heartbreaking.  And powerful.  And such a strong confirmation.  Confirmation!  Dan and I are just obeying the call we heard, and the Lord is choosing to confirm our obedience every step of the way!  What are the chances, out of all those ladies, that this one wanted to talk to me about her kids who were taken away from her?

That day in the prison was tough.  It opened my eyes to the other side - the parent of the kids we will be taking in our homes.  Who was this woman?  How was she introduced to drugs?  Was it one bad friend?  Was it a guy she wanted to impress?  How did she learn English so well?  Where are her kids?  I'll never know the answers, but I bet she never intended things to get so bad.  I bet she just made a few bad choices.  I bet the Lord wants so much more for her.  I hope I can approach the birth parents of our foster kids with the same kind of grace and understanding, after knowing they have neglected their kids enough for them to end up in the system.

Would you pray for us about this?  Would you pray we would have compassion on those parents when we meet them in May?  Would you pray we would even have the chance to encourage them with God's Word and with the Gospel?  Would you pray that our hearts remain soft to the situation and that we wouldn't be tempted to be judgmental?  Even now, would you pray they would be repentant for their mistakes and be open to accepting Jesus' forgiveness?

I can't quite describe the peace and joy that comes from truly following Jesus' call.  Forgive me if this just sounds cheesy, but it's the place where we find our very purpose and existence!  This is what we were MADE to do!

Thanks in advance for these prayers.  Isn't it great knowing we have a God of restoration?  A God who takes the broken and fixes?  A God who takes the hurting and comforts?  A God who takes neglect and fear, and turns it into love!  I pray with every ounce of me that we can reflect our God's attributes every step through this process.

The "God-incidences"

That's what we started calling them - "God-incidences" - when the Lord started speaking to us about Foster/Adopting.  They were consistent in our lives starting in January of 2013 all the way through June - too regular and too direct to be coincidences, so we knew the Lord was speaking to us and guiding us in a new and fresh way.  Some of them were crazy, some of them were just plain funny - and as we wait for May to approach, I want to share some of them with you!

One of the first big ones was on a date night.  I had coffee that Friday morning with a friend. She and her husband have two kids of their own, and they were in the process of adopting their first daughter out of the foster system - it was the first time I was really able to talk to someone walking ahead of us in this journey, and it was so helpful!  I got a lot of questions answered, saw how big the binder really is (This binder is huge!  Serenity gives it to families who foster, and it has all the rules and regulations of fostering.), and got to hear first-hand from her how much this choice is a ministry to the kids and their families.  So good!

That same Friday night, Dan and I went to Lucille's BBQ for date night.  A yummy splurge for us!  We sit down, and Dan says, "So?  Tell me all about it!  What did she say?"  I tell him everything, and we start to discuss what it would look like if we were to foster/adopt.  Looking back, we actually decided some big things that night during that conversation:
- We would want two sibling boys: The state is in desperate need to place siblings together.  We want an even number of kids.  We still have a desire on our hearts to have sons. With a family of ALL girls (no seriously - ALL girls.  I am one of 6 girl cousins, who have 7 daughters total among us.  My grandmother just had her 15th girl in a row last year!  On Dan's side, again, 7 girls. Wouldn't it just be cruel to bring ONE boy - the youngest - into these two families?  If we are going to bring a boy into this family, at least two will have each other in the craziness!), and we just had peace about this decision.
- We would want the kids to be around the same age as our girls: Keep Kate the oldest if we could, but they would all be in the same stages and grades and schools together.  Because we both work full time, we didn't feel right about taking on a baby (which most likely would be a high-needs baby at that).
- Full disclosure: We didn't feel called or equipped to take on physically or mentally handicapped kids.  There are people who are so good at and passionate about these kids, and the Lord bless them!  With two of our own, and me being a working mom, this was something we didn't feel called to.
- We are open to any and all ethnicities.

Looking back, we didn't really know what a big step in the process we had made that night, but as time went on, these decisions were solidified strongly.  SO...we finished dinner, and decided to leave the conversation behind us and go enjoy a movie.

There wasn't much playing that night, so we decided to go see "Identity Theft" with Jason Bateman.  We were hesitant because of the rating, but were up for a good laugh.  (For the record, it was one of those oh-so-funny, redeeming movies that absolutely didn't need to be rated R.  It was a few words and one awkward scene away from being a great movie...)  Now forgive me (spoiler alert!) for ruining the movie for you, but the entire thing builds up to this pivotal scene of dialogue about why the main character is the way she is, and why she's such a lonely, miserable wreck.  She is finally honest for the first time in the film, and her answer is, "Well it started when my mom abandoned me in the hospital.  I spent my childhood shuffled through the foster system, and when I was 18 I was on my own and had nobody.  I've never had anybody."

Wait a minute.  Hold the phone.  This whole movie is a redemptive story about a lonely foster child who comes to finally have a family and people who care about her, and love and accept her in spite of her faults or her past?  WHAT??

Dan and I leave the theater during the credits, and whisper, "Did that just happen?  Is God speaking to us through movies now?"  We just chuckled the entire ride home.  If that wasn't a confirmation after the conversation we just had, we didn't know what was!

Does God speak through movies?  He's the author of the whole universe, and everything He makes and does is trying to tell us how much He loves us!  I think the question isn't "does God speak to us through movies", I think the statement is that God is always speaking to our hearts.  The question is, how often are we listening?  This process has caused Dan and I to listen to the Lord in a new and unique way.  The message wasn't what we were expecting.  (In fact, the question we were asking Him at the beginning of last year was, "How and where will the Lord put us back into formal church ministry after taking a hiatus to have two little ones?")  His answer was surprising - we aren't going back into formal church ministry - we are going to expand our family for His glory and to expand His kingdom!

Here's to the adventure that is obeying that call.  :)

Our New Adventure -

Last time I updated this blog, Kate was turning 2.  She's now 3 1/2!!  Chloe turned 2 at Thanksgiving, and the Lord has asked us to turn aside and take a different direction with our family.  So...we're back to blogging!  :)

As most of you know, Dan and I are in the process of becoming foster parents through Serenity Infant Care Homes in Covina.  As we get closer to finishing the certification process, both of us have felt a need to start asking for prayer from you - our family and friends.  So here's my attempt to start blogging again, using this platform to share our story and prayer requests with all of you!  We would greatly appreciate your prayers on behalf of our family!  Thanks for all the love and support we've received from so many of you so far!

And now for some details:
- As of now, the plan is to be placed in early May.  I (Kristi) plan on taking a month off to bond with the boys after APU's graduation - this is a slow time for our office and a good time for me to take off.  Then when Dan is off for his summer break, he will be home with the kids for June and July.  Would you pray this timing works out and we can use the summer wisely to get our family adjusted?  Pray for good, quality time together, getting to know each other and learn how to be the best family unit we can be.

- Yes, we've told the girls, and so far Kate is (mostly) excited to get some brothers. :)  Kate can articulate that the spare bedroom will be the "boy's room" and that it will be fun to have more kids around.  Would you pray for our girl's hearts?  Would you pray they would be open to this big change, and see the Lord work in all of us as we obey Him?

- Yes, we are fostering first...we won't know for a good long while if adoption is a possibility with our first placement.  There is a good chance we won't be able to adopt our first placement...that's just the way the foster system works.  (If you want to know more about the process, we would LOVE to share that with you sometime!  But it is a lot of information, so I'm not going to share it here.)  But would you pray for those two little boys?  Would you pray the Lord would protect them from trauma?  Would you pray for their little hearts and minds?  Would you pray their transition into our home (whether they want it or not) to be a smooth one and a happy one?  Would you pray they are open to Jesus' love?

- And for now, my last prayer request is one we've had for several months now - simply, that Dan and I would get good sleep.  Our girls (for numerous, varying reasons) have not been sleeping well the last few months.  They slept so well as babies, and neither Dan or I function well with little sleep.  This lack of sleep has a way of discouraging us and making us think we surely are not capable of taking on more kids.  Would you pray not only for more sleep, but for clear thinking for us when we are tired?  OF COURSE we can't take on more kids!  (Well, not in our own strength...)  Of course we are going to have to rely on God's grace every single day of this process!  That just gets harder to do when we are so tired. 

Dan and I are going to both try to keep this blog up in order to share our journey with you - thank you in advance for your prayers - they are the most powerful support you could give our family this year!  Until the next update, what leaps of faith is Jesus asking you to take today?