Oh the Irony!

So, here it is, Mother's Day.

My post this week is about how it's gonna take WAY longer to be placed than we expected.

I find it ironic how I expected to "be a mom again" by this time, but here I wait on Mother's Day. 

And then I remember all those times people asked me when I was gonna have kids when I wasn't ready to yet. And I remember a few of my friends who so desperately want to be a mom, but for different reasons aren't there yet. And I remember those who have had a rough time with their moms or no mom at all...a tumultuous holiday it can be, for sure. And I can't help but wonder what circumstance our future boys are in with their own mother right now. If this is a rough day for you, know that my heart goes out to you and my prayer is that the Lord would be the source of everything you need today.

So here's the update - I finally got an email from the social worker this week (yay!), but it was to tell us that we are "next in line", and we should start getting our house ready for inspection, which wouldn't be happening until the first week in June at the earliest. From there, it could take 2 to 4 more weeks, "depending on what comes up" (boo).

We were hoping to be placed in early May. That got pushed back to early June. Now we are realistically looking at early July. Two logistical things - one, it doesn't really matter if I take May, June or July off of work. Summer is slow in my office, and as long as I'm back by August, we're all good. BUT two, if we are placed that late, there is little to no guarantee the preschool will have spots still open in the fall. And not having the kids at the same preschool would be, well, rough. Logistics, logistics.

Now I know what you're thinking. "It's all in God's timing, Kristi - He's got this." "It's the system - it the way it is - just go with the flow, and don't have any expectations." "Don't worry, it will all work out." Yes, these responses are all true and appropriate. And I spent the entire morning preparing for worship "letting go and letting God", giving these exact thoughts a firm foundation in my heart.

But I also want to give myself the freedom to be sad this week. I am sad that we have done everything we need to, our packet has been approved, and our house ready, and we have to just sit and wait knowing there are kids out there who could fill those beds tonight. That thought just makes me sad. The system is broken, and it's heartbreaking. And I know without a doubt, this isn't the last time this journey will break my heart or disappoint.

So for now, I will grieve the bummer news of not having the whole summer to bond with the boys. And then I will move on to all the things I have to be thankful for, and trust that the Lord will all work it out in the end. Thanks in advance for walking this journey with us, and for being disappointed with us. We can't wait when you are there for all the highs and excitement too! :)

Would you still pray that the system would move miraculously fast through the inspection and interview process? He's a big God, and I'm sure He just laughs at our timelines! Our prayer would still be to have as much time as possible to bond with the boys and adjust as a family in the summer.

Thanks, friends! Much love to you all!