Why Don't You Blog Anymore?

Oh, so many answers to that question! I've been asked a lot recently, so I am forcing myself to take the time tonight. Here are the main two reasons:

1. As you can imagine, I just don't have the time.

Double the food prep, double the laundry, double the bath time, double the clean up time, and going to bed later just isn't an option for me or my health. I know you totally understand!

2. The second is a little more complicated. As you know, we can't share any details about the boys' case or status, as it is technically an "open case". And now that we've been doing this for a few months, I have found this part really difficult. You guys know me - I love to share! I love to be real. I love to be honest with people. So I have found it really hard on me emotionally to not share and be honest with this heartbreaking story we live with everyday. Guys, it's heartbreaking. And we can't share the entire story with anyone. And this breaks my heart a little bit more.

On top of that, there is a birth parent still in the picture with these kids, and that makes social media and public information just more risky. Better safe than sorry with this kind of stuff, right?

And to add insult to injury, I can't post pictures. This part has also been super difficult. I can't show you the joy of them doing something for the first time like petting goats at the fair. I can't show you the cuteness of all our kids hugging or playing together.  I can't show you how happy they are at preschool and church, and I can't post the sheer child-like happiness of a kid at his birthday party, ecstatic that the world revolved around him for a few hours. Again, my heart just breaks. 

So I just can't do it. I can't try to navigate around all the technicalities. I can't take the time to do this instead of other things that should take priority. And I know you will understand. And I will totally appreciate it if you ask me in person how it's going. :) And for those of you who don't see me in person, please keep praying for us. We need your prayers, we covet them, we feel them, and we are so, so thankful for them! So keep praying. Keep praying Jesus just oozes out of this whole thing with a big, fat dose of hope and redemption! And I will try to keep you as posted as I can. :) Thanks for your understanding.

Good night, friends!

How are we doing?

Thanks for all of you who have asked - Dan is on bedtime duty, and because it's a holiday, here's me making time to blog! :)

We are doing well. We have four kids ages 4, 3, 2, and 2. It's toddler insanity! But we have much to be thankful for, friends. The boys are healthy and really, really cute. The kids do, for the most part, in their toddler way, get along. (We don't see any major personality clashes.) The boys are excellent sleepers.  Mr. F is potty trained! Mr. G eats really well. We have already seen a lot of progress in the boys' behaviors. Kate is taking her role as oldest very seriously (most of the time). Their ages, although extremely close, are exactly what we felt the Lord calling us to. We are also very, very thankful Dan was on summer break when we were placed - the Lord has been so, so faithful!

There are moments of glorious play and fun. Tonight, three were sitting on one of those bopper blow ups sideways, and all together bouncing and rolling off backwards into the grass together. When they all decide to play tag it is adorable. When they all have food in their mouths, and it's quiet for a split second at the dinner table, Dan and I look at each other and exhale.

Thank you for praying with us. For choosing to come with us on this journey. We appreciate you - our support - sooo much! And so I will share that yes, this is the hardest thing we have ever done. We are totally in over our heads. Here are *some* of the challenges you can put to prayer for us...

Chloe, although she talks like she's 4, is only 2. She was exerting her "terrible twos" before this process, and as she finds herself in the middle child role she is struggling to try to figure it all out. Both the boys are speech delayed. Mr. G is saying more words now, but is pretty much non-verbal. They will be put into speech therapy eventually, but we are trying to give them tools now to communicate.  Mr. F really struggles socially - can't play independently, but doesn't play well with others. Although we've seen drastic improvements since placement, tantrums are still an issue by both. (But praise - today was the FIRST day Mr. G didn't have a severe one! Progress!)

Dan and I - we could use more uninterrupted sleep (our girls night waking and a 6am wake up time by all 4 kids are the culprits). We hope we can get it all done when school starts. We are so thankful we've both been home to be on top of the wash, cooking, cleaning and discipline, but holy cow - what will the school year look like? I could use a maid to do the deep cleaning - or a babysitter so I can do the cleaning. Dan could use more time and space to prepare for his school year and choir camp. Dan could also use your prayers and assistance the two weeks he's alone with the kids when I go back to work.

A highlight to end on, though - a few nights ago, we went to a park to take family pictures with a friend. We ate dinner in the park, played for a while, then took pictures. It was so fun, went so well, and by the looks of just a few of the pictures she let me peek at, these pictures of the kids are going to be ADORABLE!! It will be torture to not be able to post them online when we get them! Sooo...if you would like to meet the boys, see the pictures, and/or give us a break for a few minutes to entertain little ones, you are officially invited to come visit us anytime in the next few weeks - if you're brave enough! ;)

Praising the Lord tonight for His faithfulness, and that He calls us to a much fuller, abundant, challenging life than we could ever dream of on our own. Praying your summer is going well and involves a God-filled adventure!

This Week - THE week!

Well, folks, we are almost to the start line!

So many of you have been kind to ask - the interviews went well this week. Turns out it really does take about 9 hours (3 together, 3 with myself, 3 with Dan) to tell your whole life story! And that's what we did this past week. If everything "looks good", we should be cleared and certified by late Tuesday or Wednesday. It could take longer if our social worker needs follow up interviews with us. Quite the waiting game, isn't it?

Either way, it looks like we will be certified this week, which means we wait by the phone for a call.

When we do get a call, they will tell us some details about the kids, and we will either accept the placement or not. It is our understanding that when children need placements, the county calls several places to try to find homes - and Serenity is one of those places. So even if we say yes to a placement, the Serenity social worker calls the county back to let them know they've found a home, and in that time frame, another home might have already been secured. Likewise, we may very well get calls for placements that don't fit our parameters, and then Dan and I will have to decided whether to accept or not. So even the first call might not be "the" call.

When we accept a placement, we will either go to Serenity to pick the boys up, or they will be dropped off at our house. At that point we will assess how much stuff they have with them and make a store run. I will go on FMLA leave for a month, and Dan is out for the summer on Thursday.

And our plans? Just spend time together. Play hard. Learn each other. Figure it all out. In training, they talked about there definitely being a honeymoon stage. This might very well be our summer together, but we are going to make the most of it!

Thank you for walking with us this far - I would imagine our prayer requests will change rapidly once we have the boys! We do need to let you know, though - once we are placed, we are not allowed to talk about the family/history/situation of the boys. Yes, we will know what put them in the system and be updated, but because this is their story and not ours, we are asked to keep it confidential. The main reason for this is legal - their parents will be in a legal situation with the courts if they are given an opportunity to "earn" their children back. So these boys will be part of an open investigation, and because of that, we won't be allowed to share details of that investigation. Just wanted to give you all a heads up - if the first question is, 'so what's their story?', we can't answer that one. :) However we will do our best to keep the appropriate prayer requests coming your way - because we are so, SO thankful for your prayers!

This week:
- That Dan finishes school well, and 'Vacation Dan' (as I like to call him) enjoys his time off.

- That placement goes smoothly and quickly. 'Nough said!

- That we are approved for taking the boys on vacation with us. We have a week in Palm Springs already scheduled, and we are allowed to take the boys with us, but we have to get visitations rescheduled to do so. Would you pray that would go smoothly and not be an issue?

- Wisdom for Dan and I as we navigate how to parent four little ones!

And about the inspection...

On Tuesday afternoon, Nana took the girls, and Dan and I waited at the house. The social worker (whose name was also Christie) was young and sweet. She's an alum of APU as well, and we were disappointed to learn she won't be OUR social worker when we are assigned one.

The first hour, she did the house inspection. Although it's not a pass/fail thing, we definitely passed! We had everything in order and she didn't have any concerns whatsoever. Woo hoo! This is where I insert a huge shout out to my hubby for all the work he did on the house, to Nana and Papa for taking the kids that day, and to our small group who helped us prepare the last minute stuff this past weekend. Whew. We made it.

After that, we dove into the first interview - which essentially covered Dan and I's entire story together (from when we met, to engagement, through marriage, jobs, ministry, family, decision making and parenting...) - and it took 3 more hours! She took notes the entire time, and will eventually write a 22-page paper on our story and history. Crazy!

I do have to stop for a moment and give the Lord some glory here. When Dan and I have a chance to share our history with others, it never ceases to amaze us how blessed we are, how Jesus is the only reason we have a story, and how it is only with a firm understanding of His grace can we have a "healthy" relationship. Isn't grace a beautiful thing? Maybe because it's been 12 years of practicing, maybe with age comes wisdom, but it is so evident to us that the health of our marriage entirely depends on the grace, forgiveness, and relentless love of Jesus!

Okay, so to sum up - Tuesday went really well. THANK YOU for your prayers! We felt them! So what now?

There are two more interviews. I have one with her this Tuesday, Dan has his this next Thursday. After that, it is our understanding that we will then be certified and ready for placement! We are also still hopeful we could get placed that following week - the first week of June. :) Although it feels so much like we're "almost there", this is in reality just the first leg of the marathon. Placement is "really" the beginning!

Continued Prayer Requests:
- Chloe had a stomach bug this last week, and although she's better now, we haven't gotten sleep in a week. Would you pray all of us would sleep through the night and be renewed?

- A quick process. Would you pray that even after next Thursday, things would move quickly and we would be placed soon? If we aren't placed by June 1, I will need to come up with a childcare plan for the girls.

- Our family. A smooth transition into our home for everyone, good bonding time this summer, and wisdom on how to parent 4 kids!!

- Those boys. For wherever they are now, for sparing them of heavy trauma, for their little hearts even now to be longing for Jesus' love.

And to end on some adorable:
Today in preschool, Chloe received a few sand toys as a party favor for one of the kids' birthdays. As we are leaving, she says out of the blue, "Mommy, I going to share my sandcastles wif my brudders, okay?" (everyone insert the awww sound...) May her heart still be as willing to share with them when her 'brudders' are actually here!

Thanks, team! We will keep you posted!

Inspection Tuesday!

Hi friends,

So fun to share good news with you...the social worker called late Friday afternoon, and scheduled our inspection for Tuesday afternoon! This is both exciting and nerve wrecking, but we are so thankful it's finally HAPPENING.

One, this is the original timeline we were given back in April - we are thankful for that! Seems like the social worker's email was giving me a very conservative timeline, and it is a direct answered prayer that we might still be placed by June 1!

Two, we are even MORE thankful for our AMAZING small group who came over today to help us clean the house top to bottom with short notice! As I reflect how blessed we are to have these peeps in our lives, I pray you have people like this in your life, too. It is so encouraging to know we have friends who will drop anything and rally for us. :)

Well, that's the big update! Prayer requests:

Would you pray for Tuesday afternoon? Would you pray our house meets every requirement they have? Would you pray our interview goes really well?

There are two items I turned in to Serenity, but the social worker hasn't received yet. Would you pray those papers are found and given to the right person? If they lost them, they are not "easy" papers to reproduce. (Please, oh please don't say you've lost Dan's birth certificate!)

It is my understanding that after Tuesday, there will be two more interviews with the social worker - one with Dan separately, and one with myself. If there aren't any "red flags" coming out of the interviews, we will be certified and placed after that. Would you pray those two interviews would go well too?

I hope to have even better news to report next week! Until then, thanks for walking on the journey with us - happy weekend to you!

Oh the Irony!

So, here it is, Mother's Day.

My post this week is about how it's gonna take WAY longer to be placed than we expected.

I find it ironic how I expected to "be a mom again" by this time, but here I wait on Mother's Day. 

And then I remember all those times people asked me when I was gonna have kids when I wasn't ready to yet. And I remember a few of my friends who so desperately want to be a mom, but for different reasons aren't there yet. And I remember those who have had a rough time with their moms or no mom at all...a tumultuous holiday it can be, for sure. And I can't help but wonder what circumstance our future boys are in with their own mother right now. If this is a rough day for you, know that my heart goes out to you and my prayer is that the Lord would be the source of everything you need today.

So here's the update - I finally got an email from the social worker this week (yay!), but it was to tell us that we are "next in line", and we should start getting our house ready for inspection, which wouldn't be happening until the first week in June at the earliest. From there, it could take 2 to 4 more weeks, "depending on what comes up" (boo).

We were hoping to be placed in early May. That got pushed back to early June. Now we are realistically looking at early July. Two logistical things - one, it doesn't really matter if I take May, June or July off of work. Summer is slow in my office, and as long as I'm back by August, we're all good. BUT two, if we are placed that late, there is little to no guarantee the preschool will have spots still open in the fall. And not having the kids at the same preschool would be, well, rough. Logistics, logistics.

Now I know what you're thinking. "It's all in God's timing, Kristi - He's got this." "It's the system - it the way it is - just go with the flow, and don't have any expectations." "Don't worry, it will all work out." Yes, these responses are all true and appropriate. And I spent the entire morning preparing for worship "letting go and letting God", giving these exact thoughts a firm foundation in my heart.

But I also want to give myself the freedom to be sad this week. I am sad that we have done everything we need to, our packet has been approved, and our house ready, and we have to just sit and wait knowing there are kids out there who could fill those beds tonight. That thought just makes me sad. The system is broken, and it's heartbreaking. And I know without a doubt, this isn't the last time this journey will break my heart or disappoint.

So for now, I will grieve the bummer news of not having the whole summer to bond with the boys. And then I will move on to all the things I have to be thankful for, and trust that the Lord will all work it out in the end. Thanks in advance for walking this journey with us, and for being disappointed with us. We can't wait when you are there for all the highs and excitement too! :)

Would you still pray that the system would move miraculously fast through the inspection and interview process? He's a big God, and I'm sure He just laughs at our timelines! Our prayer would still be to have as much time as possible to bond with the boys and adjust as a family in the summer.

Thanks, friends! Much love to you all!

Continued Confirmation -

Yesterday was the day we were hoping to be the start of placement, but as the day passed like most other Sundays, I found myself swallowing my own advice.

I often come across students who tell me they "can't wait". They can't wait to be done with school, they can't wait to find out if they got the position, they can't wait to be engaged...the list goes on. I remember being in those places and wanting the same things. But my response is always the same -

Everything is a phase. Enjoy right now. It'll be here before you know it.

These words echoed through my head a lot yesterday. And aren't they still true? So today I tried to enjoy that both my girls still fit in my arms and on my lap, and I relished watching Kate take her dishes to the sink without being asked. I tried to change my tone of voice after I told Chloe she was forgiven, so she would really know it was true. And just like He always does, the Lord continues to give me patience and contentment during this extra month of waiting. (No, seriously - it has to be from Him, because I don't really have an ounce of patience in my being! Can anyone relate? HA!)

Cool things still keep happening in the waiting, though. Today I got a message from a high school friend (ain't Facebook the coolest thing sometimes??), and he and his wife are fostering and they are going through the adoption process this week. Let me tell you - standing in show choir next to him in the late nineties, never in a million years did I think we'd be having this conversation in the future! :) But it is so encouraging that the Lord keeps surrounding us with people on this same journey. So, so encouraging!

So the update: We are still waiting for Serenity to call and schedule our home inspection. They have said our inspection will be sometime the week of May 19th, but they will call to schedule.

Thank you for waiting with us, and for continuing to pray for us and the boys! We will keep you posted!