It's Turned In!

I almost had a hard time letting go of it - this stack of papers with a checklist of 40+ things on top and every box checked off...but Wednesday afternoon, I turned it in to Serenity! Woo hoo!  So what now?

Here's this week's update -

- There are only three things left to turn in for the packet, all of which are "on their way" in the mail!

- From here, Serenity will take a few weeks to go through our whole packet and get us scheduled for a home inspection. We now wait for a phone call from them to schedule.

- Although all the big stuff is done for the inspection, we will still need to clean the house from top to bottom before then.  (Can I just express how daunting this idea is? Seriously - every window and wall and baseboard? I can't even remember the last time this happened to our house. We feel like we might need to get a babysitter to watch the girls just so we can CLEAN. Romantic, right?)  :)

- BEDS. The bad news - not only does the age limit of "5 for top bunk" apply to our kids too, on Wednesday I found out the rules have changed again and the new age is now SIX! This is a huge bummer because the girls' room is pretty small, and it means rearranging all the beds in all three rooms to accommodate this silly, silly rule. So if you know of anyone with a toddler bed (or two), we would be grateful - otherwise, we think we will have to go the trundle bed route (with our girls - the boys can't have trundles), and I'll have to take the chair out of their room. Would you pray we figure this new obstacle out? And if you had a toddler bed, how long did it last for you?  (We highly doubt Chloe would make it to 5 in a toddler bed, but this is what we are going to try...)

- The van. Everything is fixed, registered, and up to date...except the air conditioner. We took it in one last time, only for the mechanic to tell us he didn't have the one special tool for the one special part to fix it. It's just comical! HA!

The girls: they are excited for the boys' arrival, and talking about it regularly.  We would appreciate your prayers for wisdom as we try to explain to them why it might be hard, and why they can't have bunk beds (insert emotional 3 year old crying every time I mention it).  But it's pretty cute to hear a two year old say, "da bruhders can play wif my doll, but not my pooh bear banket, okay?"  :)

Things to celebrate today:
As most of you already saw, Tuesday we found out the insurance is settling on my car for so, so much more than we thought we could sell it for! The quote, plus a random donation from a friend, is almost exactly what we paid for the dud of a van. We are SO, so thankful the Lord used this awful situation to show His redemption. Praise Him, peoples! 

CHLOE IS DIAPER FREE! We potty trained her this last week, and she finally gave up and went #2 in the potty yesterday! Pretty exciting.

Dan is my hero. On his "week off", he got the van fixed, did wash, prepped his Pop Show, reorganized all the locks on the cabinets, reorganized the garage, took down an entire tree, did his Dr. appt., got his truck inspected, and potty trained Chloe while I was at work! Can you say SUPERDAD? :)

And to top it all off, the girls both slept through the night last night for the first time in a while.  Woo hoo!

Keep the prayers coming, folks - it's powerful stuff! Specific prayer requests this week:
- Pray that Serenity can move swiftly on our application and inspection. The longer they take, the less time we get in the summer with the boys.

- Pray for the girls' hearts as we begin to implement all the strange rules. Pray for wisdom for us as parents as we talk and pray about it.

- Would you pray for my mom and grandmother? GG (great-grandma) isn't doing well.

- Would you continue to pray for our finances? As we project having four kids in full time preschool, well, let's just say we are stepping out in faith and trying to find creative ways to cut back spending.

- And last, please pray for those little boys. It isn't lost on us that for these boys to need another home in May probably means they are suffering through trauma as I type this. Would you pray this trauma will be as minimal on them as possible? Would you pray they would sense the Lord is with them even now? Would you pray for redemption for the whole situation? And would you pray for the smoothest transition as possible? This whole thing is about them. May we be faithful in caring for the least of these...

6 Weeks and Counting...

As I type that title, I can hardly believe we're close to a month away from lives changed forever!  It has been quite a year of preparation - the paperwork and requirements has made our heads spin for months, but we have tried to be diligent in the process, and now we are down to two major things:

1. The application (also known as "the 5-inch stack of papers on Dan's desk")
All the paperwork is done, but Dan is getting about 5 things done this week on his spring break to make this packet complete.  (His physical, his truck cleared, his birth certificate, etc.)  Then we will turn this in to Serenity, they will look through it all to make sure it's completed, then they will call us to schedule...

2.  The house inspection (also known as "retrofitting your house for the zombie apocalypse")
A social worker will come to the house, and go through every drawer, closet, and corner of our house, and do certain things like put a thermometer under our hot water and make an inventory of our food.  This could take a few weeks to schedule, but we are pretty confident we are prepared for the inspection.

Then, anytime after May 4th, we wait for a phone call.

An update from last week - thanks for those of you who have asked how I am doing.  We are still waiting to hear the amount the insurance will total my car out for.  Would you pray it would be at least as much as we were going to sell it for?  We know this is highly unlikely, but hey, He's a BIG God, and he knows our financial state, right?  :)

We still haven't figured out Houdini the dog, but Dan is home all week so he has some time to come up with something.

A bit of a tangent, but I have a confession:  I'm not a big fan of when people post lyrics as status updates.  I usually scroll past them.  Not sure why, but I suppose I'd just rather listen to the song...
BUT, of course, after a really rough day yesterday, Jesus brought to me to church this morning to soak up His love and promises.  And then - these lyrics - over and over again washing over us:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Confession #2:  It's really, really hard to ask the Lord to stretch your faith when you're in the middle of the stretching.  Hard.

This whole 4 kid thing...way, way deeper than my feet could ever wander on their own.  It's only by the Lord's leading!  This financial commitment to more children that we really can't afford...we know this will make our faith stronger.

So we walk forward this week, with 6 to go, with a few tangible prayer requests:
- Pray 6 weeks is enough time for Serenity to get us cleared, and that we pass inspection the first time around!
- Pray Chloe's potty training continues to go well, and for Dan's patience this week as he plays super daddy!
- Pray we get enough for my car.
- Pray we have enough money next month to fix the air conditioner in the van.
- Please, please pray nothing else breaks, falls apart, gets stolen or destroyed!  The enemy is doing his best to keep us discouraged with these inconveniences and unforeseen costs.
- And last, would you pray the Lord would give Dan and I daily encouragements?  That we could see His glory and where He has been?  That we would keep our eyes fixed on Him?

Thanks for walking with us on the journey, friends!  And if you get a chance, listen to the song yourself...much better than just reading the lyrics!  :)

What we need you to pray for -

I feel a bit of dread as I sit down to write this post - it's been a tough week, and living our story out loud is hard when I naturally recoil from anything that sounds like complaining.  But I need to lean into truth today, and share our story with you whether I feel like it or not, right?  Okay, so here we go!

Tuesday, I was in a car accident.  We think there was a cell phone involved with the other driver, but the cop who saw the whole thing probably couldn't have proven it.  Long story short, even though the cop gave the other driver a lecture after we pulled over, it was still technically my fault.  I'm okay except for muscle soreness, and thank the LORD the kids weren't in the car.  My car is most likely totaled, as the repairs will be about $2,000 more than the car is worth, but we are still waiting for a call from the insurance company to verify.  We were planning on selling that car next week to make up for the purchase of the van back in October.

To add to that, our dear little dog has decided to play Houdini this week and escape our yard every day this week.  We thankfully have many kind neighbors who have taken him in each day and called us, but Dan has tried multiple times to secure the fences and gates in our backyard (including the hill) and nothing is working.  We have no idea how he is doing this!  And we really don't know what to do about it.  It's a silly thing, but it's very stressful.

And to top off the week, yesterday morning Dan woke up to find that the tailgate of his truck had been stolen right out of our driveway during the night.  He needs to file a police report, but is feeling...well, unmotivated at the moment.

Now is when I turn the tide and list what we are thankful for - thankful the van is finally registered, thankful the girls are safe, thankful for insurance, thankful for community that bends over backwards to help us on tough days - there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!  And as Dan and I take the morning off today to rest, talk and reflect, it is easy for us to be very, very thankful today.  :)

What we really need you to pray for us this week is protection for our family against the enemy.  Would you pray with us for that?  Part of us feels so under attack every time something new pops up, and part of us just laughs knowing we aren't going to waiver in our journey, no matter what the enemy throws at us!  And as the feelings come and go, we are trying to keep the eternal perspective on a daily basis - this world is broken, it's not our home, and while we are in it, this is just par for the course, right?  John 16:33!!

Other specific prayer requests:
- That the insurance would give us the amount the car is actually worth - what we were going to be able to sell it for.
- That my insurance wouldn't go up terribly.
- That the Lord would work out the finances of everything - including full time day care next year (we have no idea how we're going to do that!)
- That our house inspection would go smoothly
- That we can conquer the To Do list that seems to be overwhelming right now.
- For my gramma, as her health continues to decline
- For little Karter and his family as they continue to fight the Leukemia
- For wisdom in disciplining our two-year old right now, as I feel like I'm running out of creative options...

Thanks in advance to you prayer warriors petitioning on our behalf!  So thankful that because of you, we don't feel alone on this journey.  :)

"Aren't you excited?"

"Oh, I bet you're sooo excited!!"  "How exciting!"  "Aren't you excited?"

I am grateful to have had several conversations today about the fostering journey - it's especially encouraging when those I haven't seen in a while ask me about it, and let me know they've been praying for us!  It's a sweet surprise of encouragement for me.

However, as May approaches, I have been hearing these phrases about excitement a lot lately.  And I genuinely understand how it's exciting to other people that we are "adding" to our family soon - it WILL be fun to meet these little guys! 

But if I'm really honest with you, excitement isn't what I feel right now.  Serenity trained us well - we are fully aware of what we are walking into - hurt, brokenness, trauma.  I am not excited to hear little ones cry for their real mommy at bed time.  I am not excited to hear about why their parents were so inadequate, the state had to intervene.  I am not excited to re-train little taste buds who haven't been fed well.  I am not excited to explain to my daughters why their brothers do (insert strange behavior because of trauma). 

What do I feel, then?  Well, I do feel a lot of peace these days.  There's no turning back now!  We're doing this thing!  And knowing deep down in our souls that we are obeying the Lord in His guidance has brought tremendous peace.   I hope you have felt this kind of peace in your life - the peace that comes when doing something really, really risky in your faith for Jesus - there's nothing like it!  Without sounding too cliche, it's what we're made for, right?  Jesus calls us to do very, very risky things!

Now I AM genuinely excited for some things, but they are things down the road.  I am excited to experience the first moment all four kids are really playing together well.  I am excited to see how quickly these little guys learn about Jesus!  I get excited thinking about an adoption day (whenever that may be), and I look forward to the day when we reach the new normal of a big Hawkins family looking back at God's faithfulness along the way.  Now THOSE are pretty exciting things! 

But for now, I look forward and welcome all the emotions this journey is bringing, one day at a time.  Thank you for asking us how we're feeling, and if you're excited for us, yay!  We will need your excitement in the rough moments ahead, reminding us of why we're doing this thing!  Thank you, thank you for your prayers and support thus far.  :)

High & Low -

When small group comes to an end, and we don't have much time, I initiate "High and Low".  A "high" of the week - a highlight, praise, or overall good thing.  A "low" of the week is just that - a prayer request for a not-so-good thing.  They're easy to identify throughout your week, and can be talked about - and prayed about - fairly quickly.

So this week, I bring you MY high and low...

HIGH -
I "got my Pinterest on" a while ago, and took a fairly large black picture frame, put a subtle patterned material in it, and hung it in the dining room.  Every week, we take a dry-erase marker and write on the glass a short and simple Bible verse.  We've been saying the verse at dinner every night.  It has been SUCH a blessing to watch our kids memorize God's Word before our eyes!  It's cool stuff.

This week's verse was "Sing a new song to the Lord".  And boy, did Kate take it literally!  Almost every night this week, she busted out her most creative, non-nonsensical, Jesus-praising, never-ending songs!  And today, walking through a quiet Wal-Mart on a Monday morning, she bursts out at the top of her lungs, "Jeeeee - suuuuus, he is our Kiiiiiiiiing, Jeeeeee-suuuuuus, he is aliiiiiive!!" 

Slightly embarrassed, but totally proud momma.  :)  Praise Him!

I'm excited to think we will be bringing in some boys to a house that will demonstrate scripture like this on a daily basis!  They'll probably think we are weird - or crazy - but I'm looking forward to it.  :)


LOW -
A few situations are heavy on my heart this week - a friend whose 3 year old son (same age as Kate) was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Another friend's 3 year old daughter diagnosed (will be confirmed later this week) with a very, very rare disease that will eventually take her sight and kidneys.  Another family who is dealing with permanent challenges thanks to a brain tumor removed last year.  And yet another friend whose newborn has issues (I don't have many details yet).  Please pray for my friends and their families - their 3-year-olds are really my 3-year-old, and I have been feeling a lot of heartache for them.

What this has to do with fostering - we won't find out a thing about these boys until the day they call us with a placement.  We will find out the most important facts before deciding to take the placement or not, but this most likely will need to be a very quick decision.   There is just this big, black hole of the unknown!  ANY situation could be handed to us!

This is where faith steps in and we trust the Lord with WHATEVER the situation may be.  But in my heart of hearts I know that even if the situation "isn't that bad", or is "an easy case", it will still cause us tremendous heartache.  These boys will still want their real parents, they will still have suffered brokenness and trauma.  There is still a very real possibility the first kids we are placed with won't be adoptable. 

Now I don't dwell on these facts and get depressed everyday, but the truth is, I need to know and embrace this future heartache.  I need to remember the heartache will be part of the process.  I need to remember that it is better to feel heartache than to not feel at all, and I need to remember I serve a God who feels this heartache with me and wants to heal it.  :)

So even though my low has been heavy this week, I praise the One who wipes away tears, who heals, who was heartbroken at our disobedience first, who loves us even in our mess, and who brings perspective in light of eternity.  And that is a praise, my friends.  :)