High & Low -

When small group comes to an end, and we don't have much time, I initiate "High and Low".  A "high" of the week - a highlight, praise, or overall good thing.  A "low" of the week is just that - a prayer request for a not-so-good thing.  They're easy to identify throughout your week, and can be talked about - and prayed about - fairly quickly.

So this week, I bring you MY high and low...

HIGH -
I "got my Pinterest on" a while ago, and took a fairly large black picture frame, put a subtle patterned material in it, and hung it in the dining room.  Every week, we take a dry-erase marker and write on the glass a short and simple Bible verse.  We've been saying the verse at dinner every night.  It has been SUCH a blessing to watch our kids memorize God's Word before our eyes!  It's cool stuff.

This week's verse was "Sing a new song to the Lord".  And boy, did Kate take it literally!  Almost every night this week, she busted out her most creative, non-nonsensical, Jesus-praising, never-ending songs!  And today, walking through a quiet Wal-Mart on a Monday morning, she bursts out at the top of her lungs, "Jeeeee - suuuuus, he is our Kiiiiiiiiing, Jeeeeee-suuuuuus, he is aliiiiiive!!" 

Slightly embarrassed, but totally proud momma.  :)  Praise Him!

I'm excited to think we will be bringing in some boys to a house that will demonstrate scripture like this on a daily basis!  They'll probably think we are weird - or crazy - but I'm looking forward to it.  :)


LOW -
A few situations are heavy on my heart this week - a friend whose 3 year old son (same age as Kate) was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Another friend's 3 year old daughter diagnosed (will be confirmed later this week) with a very, very rare disease that will eventually take her sight and kidneys.  Another family who is dealing with permanent challenges thanks to a brain tumor removed last year.  And yet another friend whose newborn has issues (I don't have many details yet).  Please pray for my friends and their families - their 3-year-olds are really my 3-year-old, and I have been feeling a lot of heartache for them.

What this has to do with fostering - we won't find out a thing about these boys until the day they call us with a placement.  We will find out the most important facts before deciding to take the placement or not, but this most likely will need to be a very quick decision.   There is just this big, black hole of the unknown!  ANY situation could be handed to us!

This is where faith steps in and we trust the Lord with WHATEVER the situation may be.  But in my heart of hearts I know that even if the situation "isn't that bad", or is "an easy case", it will still cause us tremendous heartache.  These boys will still want their real parents, they will still have suffered brokenness and trauma.  There is still a very real possibility the first kids we are placed with won't be adoptable. 

Now I don't dwell on these facts and get depressed everyday, but the truth is, I need to know and embrace this future heartache.  I need to remember the heartache will be part of the process.  I need to remember that it is better to feel heartache than to not feel at all, and I need to remember I serve a God who feels this heartache with me and wants to heal it.  :)

So even though my low has been heavy this week, I praise the One who wipes away tears, who heals, who was heartbroken at our disobedience first, who loves us even in our mess, and who brings perspective in light of eternity.  And that is a praise, my friends.  :)

For the Prayer Warriors -

Warning: Vulnerable Blog Post Ahead...

I'll get straight to the point.   The closer we get to May, the more the Enemy brings challenges to us - trying to make us believe there's no way we can do 4 kids.  Although this doesn't surprise me, it sure is getting tiring. 

One more setback with the van.

One more rough night with the girls.

One more thing on the calendar that's unavoidable.

One more hiccup with childcare.

This week, Dan was at a conference for work for 4 days, and I came down with the pink eye bug the day before he left.  The good news - we made it!  Kate was especially kind and sweet this week, the girls slept *relatively* well at night, and daddy is back now.  The bad news - I missed two days of work, I'm still miserable, and now Chloe's got it.  These are the moments I wonder - well, DOUBT -  if we will ever be healthy, well-rested, and "normal" again.  What would I have done this past week with FOUR kids?  (There it is.  That's the doubting question I KNOW the Enemy wants me to ask.  I confess the doubt I have in that moment, and lean on knowing the real answer - even with four kids, the Lord would provide and sustain me!  That's what He DOES!)

Would you pray for these little attacks to stop?  Would you pray for health, strength, and energy?  Would you pray for great attitudes?  Would you pray we overcome this season?  Thank you for claiming Jesus' promises with us this week!


Things to rejoice over today:
- Daddy and girls next to me on the couch giggling away while making animal sounds - so cute!
- The sunshine!  There's been lots of park visits this week. (How do people buried in snow do it?)
- The fixed garage door thanks to the handy hubby!  I've really, really enjoyed having the garage back.
- An improving bed time routine!  Although it still takes Chloe a while to settle down now, she's not getting out of bed anymore after I tuck her in.  (Hey, friends - I'm gonna celebrate every little step forward today!)
- A GREAT small group.  I'm really looking forward to girls night tonight!
- My voice is a bit better today - I'm out of the whisper-only zone.

(Thankful lists are fun - I could go on and on!  But for the sake of a short blog post and getting in on the giggling action happening to the right of me, I'll stop.  The end.)  :)

Bunk Beds -

God is good - all the time!

Last week, about an hour after my post, I got a text.  "We have a bunk bed you're welcome to have if you want it."  That's right, folks - there's a white bunk bed in great condition in our boys' room thanks to the Vana family!  (I will post a pic later...I'm so sick right now I can hardly type.  Is it me, or has this sick season been out of control this year?  I digress...)

I start off with a praise that the Lord has provided once again because tonight I share the promise we are claiming through this process found throughout scripture...

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

We are keenly aware of the horror stories out there about foster kids.  Between the training we received at Serenity and others who have shared oh-so-willingly about their friend who's sister fostered (etc, etc.), we know the risk we are taking to bring in two little boys who have probably experienced a good deal of trauma their first few years, and the effects that might have on our family.  We are also keenly aware that to foster-adopt means the first set of boys who are placed with us might not stay very long.  We are keenly aware the stage our girls are in right now - picking up words and habits that have to be corrected daily.  But the Lord asks us to do hard things for His Kingdom...taking in orphans, giving them a home, loving them and teaching them about Jesus, molding them into who Christ intends for them to be...this will be worth it.

I don't say that naively - there will be battles over discipline, food, bed times, and language - things so deeply ingrained in them at such a young age - but I DO say it with hope!

Here's the thing:  God conquered death!  Jesus physically ROSE from the dead!  He parted the Red Sea for his people's freedom, and He can conquer the grip of sin in anyone's life!!  HE is the one who will love these boys, HE is the one who will mold their hearts, and HE is the one who will ultimately redeem them for eternity.  We are just his conduits for such work.

We cling to this promise, but we also know it will be hard.  HARD to have 4 kids and both of us work full time.  HARD to have 4 kids under the age of 5.  HARD when they just won't go to bed!  (Hey, this one is hard right NOW!)

So we acknowledge this, but ask for your prayers and cling to the Lord's promises all at the same time.  We acknowledge the tension that comes with obedience.  And we acknowledge that prayer works.  (Hey, you read last week, prayed for us, and BAM!  Now we have bunk beds!)  So keep that praying up...and have a great week.  :)

Between now and May -

As May gets ever closer, I've been asked how the process is going.  Short answer - really well, we are plugging along at it!

The longer answer is a review of some things we've accomplished recently, and the things we still need to get done.  Although this blog is a bit boring with the practical side of things, I hope it will help those of you considering fostering in the future!  We also really, really appreciate those of you praying for us - especially about the really practical stuff.  :)

What we accomplished in January:
- I got my physical, TB, and bloodwork done.  (Turns out I'm healthy enough to care for children!  Yay!)
- I got my CPR/First Aid done.
- We got about 1/2 the van's problems fixed.
- We got the van smog checked
- We got more child locks on cabinets
- We got the rest of the boys' bedding
- I got my birth certificate copy

What we need to do before we can turn in our paperwork and get our house inspected:
- Get the garage door fixed (broke in December)
- Get the rest of the van's repairs done
- Get the van officially registered (This one has been especially tough - please pray!!)
- Get the van and truck inspected
- Dan's birth certificate copy
- Dan's physical, TB and bloodwork
- The rest of the cabinet child locks up
- Buy and assemble a bunk bed
- Get a fridge first aid kit
- Reorganize and "babyproof" our bedroom and bathroom
- Complete our "Family Guidelines"
- Get the pets' paperwork up to date
- Get a water heater blanket

I'm sure I'm missing some things, but you get the general idea.  :)  Dan has a few 3 day weekends this month, so pray he is able to be really productive and get some of the bigger stuff taken care of (garage door, van, etc.).  Our plan is to have all this done sometime in March, so we have a month to get the house inspection scheduled and completed by the end of April.

Would you specifically pray for the van situation?  As some of you already know, the whole purchasing and registering of this thing has been a MESS.  It has been the most discouraging part of the process so far.  Please pray not only for justice and redemption regarding the van, but that it would be SWIFT!

Please continue to pray that Dan and I are able to keep checking off boxes steadily.  Some days I am overwhelmed by all the little things, and I have to keep focusing on the big picture...we have plenty of time to finish what we need to, and the Lord will continue to provide, right?  Right.  :)  I will write soon about all the spiritual and emotional prayer requests we have...there's plenty of those, too.  But until then, it's back to the to do list!

Thanks for lifting our little family up in prayer.  We are grateful you are going on this journey with us!

From a Mexican Prison

(Get comfy - it's a long one, but also a really, really good one!)

For the last three years, Dan and I have been helping out with Mexico Outreach at APU.  Amazing ministry, check it out if you're ever interested in serving with us!  (www.apu.edu/mexout)  We are the camp deans for the Summer 1 trip at the end of June, and we lead an alumni team that goes as well.  We have taken the girls every time and love the chance to show the girls another culture and serve together as a family.

This past June's trip was the first time we really started telling people we were feeling called to foster/adopt, and saying it out loud really started confirming it in us!  It was amazing to hear people's prayers and encouragement for us as we shared our hearts.

As always, it was an amazing week of ministry, but this story is about our last day there.  We had visited all the ministry sites, and on the last day our team was invited to go into the prison to hand out some shoes.  (Mexican prison is sooo different!  Their clothes and basic necessities aren't provided, so family members or friends have to provide for the prisoners.  If you don't have any, you're out of luck.  Mexico Outreach has teams who go in and try to help those who have nothing and need clothes, shoes, and toiletries.  We bring lunch in with us, have a time of singing and sharing, and can share the Gospel - it's such an amazing ministry.)

Anyway, our team was thrilled to go.  I have been "in prison" a few other times in Mexico, but never in Ensenada.  During our free time with the women at the end, I caught the eye of one lady and she approached me.  I was so surprised at how well she spoke English! 

I asked her how she was, and how I could pray for her.  She was very quick to share with me that she was in jail because of drugs, and she wanted prayer for her kids because she didn't know where they were.

I asked her if she was going through withdraws and how her body was.  She said she was over them now, and now that her head was clear, she felt so, so sorry for doing drugs and neglecting her kids.  She was glad to be clean of the drugs, but she was sorry for being a bad mom.  She missed them so much.  She had no idea where they were or when she was going to see them again. 

As my heart broke for this woman who looked so kind and shared so easily, the Holy Spirit gave me a few verses to share with her to encourage her (Oh, for the power of His Spirit!  How He always gives me the right words when I need them...how did I go straight to those verses??).  As I opened my Bible, she read the verses in English!  She could even READ English!  I talked her through them and tried to encourage her that the Lord gives us grace and second chances.

I only had a few minutes with her, and the call to leave came.  I asked her if she was interested in learning more about Jesus, who was able to forgive her mistake.  She said yes, she was - so eagerly!  I didn't have much time, so I pointed out the other ladies in the prison I knew were believers.  I told her that they had Bibles, and to ask them more about Jesus since this was our last day.  I told her to read the book of John to start.  She agreed, and said she was so grateful for my encouragement.

I prayed with her quickly, and just like that we had to line up to leave.  And that's when it happened.  As we were standing in line, waiting on the guards, the Lord's voice came upon me and I began to cry.

"Kristi, this woman's children are the kind of children who are going to need you and Dan.  This woman is my daughter.  She made a bad choice, but I love her and her kids.  And I'm going to show my love to others like them because you are going to take care of their kids in the foster system."

Confession: it's been a long time since I've heard the Lord's voice that clearly.  And it was heartbreaking.  And powerful.  And such a strong confirmation.  Confirmation!  Dan and I are just obeying the call we heard, and the Lord is choosing to confirm our obedience every step of the way!  What are the chances, out of all those ladies, that this one wanted to talk to me about her kids who were taken away from her?

That day in the prison was tough.  It opened my eyes to the other side - the parent of the kids we will be taking in our homes.  Who was this woman?  How was she introduced to drugs?  Was it one bad friend?  Was it a guy she wanted to impress?  How did she learn English so well?  Where are her kids?  I'll never know the answers, but I bet she never intended things to get so bad.  I bet she just made a few bad choices.  I bet the Lord wants so much more for her.  I hope I can approach the birth parents of our foster kids with the same kind of grace and understanding, after knowing they have neglected their kids enough for them to end up in the system.

Would you pray for us about this?  Would you pray we would have compassion on those parents when we meet them in May?  Would you pray we would even have the chance to encourage them with God's Word and with the Gospel?  Would you pray that our hearts remain soft to the situation and that we wouldn't be tempted to be judgmental?  Even now, would you pray they would be repentant for their mistakes and be open to accepting Jesus' forgiveness?

I can't quite describe the peace and joy that comes from truly following Jesus' call.  Forgive me if this just sounds cheesy, but it's the place where we find our very purpose and existence!  This is what we were MADE to do!

Thanks in advance for these prayers.  Isn't it great knowing we have a God of restoration?  A God who takes the broken and fixes?  A God who takes the hurting and comforts?  A God who takes neglect and fear, and turns it into love!  I pray with every ounce of me that we can reflect our God's attributes every step through this process.

The "God-incidences"

That's what we started calling them - "God-incidences" - when the Lord started speaking to us about Foster/Adopting.  They were consistent in our lives starting in January of 2013 all the way through June - too regular and too direct to be coincidences, so we knew the Lord was speaking to us and guiding us in a new and fresh way.  Some of them were crazy, some of them were just plain funny - and as we wait for May to approach, I want to share some of them with you!

One of the first big ones was on a date night.  I had coffee that Friday morning with a friend. She and her husband have two kids of their own, and they were in the process of adopting their first daughter out of the foster system - it was the first time I was really able to talk to someone walking ahead of us in this journey, and it was so helpful!  I got a lot of questions answered, saw how big the binder really is (This binder is huge!  Serenity gives it to families who foster, and it has all the rules and regulations of fostering.), and got to hear first-hand from her how much this choice is a ministry to the kids and their families.  So good!

That same Friday night, Dan and I went to Lucille's BBQ for date night.  A yummy splurge for us!  We sit down, and Dan says, "So?  Tell me all about it!  What did she say?"  I tell him everything, and we start to discuss what it would look like if we were to foster/adopt.  Looking back, we actually decided some big things that night during that conversation:
- We would want two sibling boys: The state is in desperate need to place siblings together.  We want an even number of kids.  We still have a desire on our hearts to have sons. With a family of ALL girls (no seriously - ALL girls.  I am one of 6 girl cousins, who have 7 daughters total among us.  My grandmother just had her 15th girl in a row last year!  On Dan's side, again, 7 girls. Wouldn't it just be cruel to bring ONE boy - the youngest - into these two families?  If we are going to bring a boy into this family, at least two will have each other in the craziness!), and we just had peace about this decision.
- We would want the kids to be around the same age as our girls: Keep Kate the oldest if we could, but they would all be in the same stages and grades and schools together.  Because we both work full time, we didn't feel right about taking on a baby (which most likely would be a high-needs baby at that).
- Full disclosure: We didn't feel called or equipped to take on physically or mentally handicapped kids.  There are people who are so good at and passionate about these kids, and the Lord bless them!  With two of our own, and me being a working mom, this was something we didn't feel called to.
- We are open to any and all ethnicities.

Looking back, we didn't really know what a big step in the process we had made that night, but as time went on, these decisions were solidified strongly.  SO...we finished dinner, and decided to leave the conversation behind us and go enjoy a movie.

There wasn't much playing that night, so we decided to go see "Identity Theft" with Jason Bateman.  We were hesitant because of the rating, but were up for a good laugh.  (For the record, it was one of those oh-so-funny, redeeming movies that absolutely didn't need to be rated R.  It was a few words and one awkward scene away from being a great movie...)  Now forgive me (spoiler alert!) for ruining the movie for you, but the entire thing builds up to this pivotal scene of dialogue about why the main character is the way she is, and why she's such a lonely, miserable wreck.  She is finally honest for the first time in the film, and her answer is, "Well it started when my mom abandoned me in the hospital.  I spent my childhood shuffled through the foster system, and when I was 18 I was on my own and had nobody.  I've never had anybody."

Wait a minute.  Hold the phone.  This whole movie is a redemptive story about a lonely foster child who comes to finally have a family and people who care about her, and love and accept her in spite of her faults or her past?  WHAT??

Dan and I leave the theater during the credits, and whisper, "Did that just happen?  Is God speaking to us through movies now?"  We just chuckled the entire ride home.  If that wasn't a confirmation after the conversation we just had, we didn't know what was!

Does God speak through movies?  He's the author of the whole universe, and everything He makes and does is trying to tell us how much He loves us!  I think the question isn't "does God speak to us through movies", I think the statement is that God is always speaking to our hearts.  The question is, how often are we listening?  This process has caused Dan and I to listen to the Lord in a new and unique way.  The message wasn't what we were expecting.  (In fact, the question we were asking Him at the beginning of last year was, "How and where will the Lord put us back into formal church ministry after taking a hiatus to have two little ones?")  His answer was surprising - we aren't going back into formal church ministry - we are going to expand our family for His glory and to expand His kingdom!

Here's to the adventure that is obeying that call.  :)

Our New Adventure -

Last time I updated this blog, Kate was turning 2.  She's now 3 1/2!!  Chloe turned 2 at Thanksgiving, and the Lord has asked us to turn aside and take a different direction with our family.  So...we're back to blogging!  :)

As most of you know, Dan and I are in the process of becoming foster parents through Serenity Infant Care Homes in Covina.  As we get closer to finishing the certification process, both of us have felt a need to start asking for prayer from you - our family and friends.  So here's my attempt to start blogging again, using this platform to share our story and prayer requests with all of you!  We would greatly appreciate your prayers on behalf of our family!  Thanks for all the love and support we've received from so many of you so far!

And now for some details:
- As of now, the plan is to be placed in early May.  I (Kristi) plan on taking a month off to bond with the boys after APU's graduation - this is a slow time for our office and a good time for me to take off.  Then when Dan is off for his summer break, he will be home with the kids for June and July.  Would you pray this timing works out and we can use the summer wisely to get our family adjusted?  Pray for good, quality time together, getting to know each other and learn how to be the best family unit we can be.

- Yes, we've told the girls, and so far Kate is (mostly) excited to get some brothers. :)  Kate can articulate that the spare bedroom will be the "boy's room" and that it will be fun to have more kids around.  Would you pray for our girl's hearts?  Would you pray they would be open to this big change, and see the Lord work in all of us as we obey Him?

- Yes, we are fostering first...we won't know for a good long while if adoption is a possibility with our first placement.  There is a good chance we won't be able to adopt our first placement...that's just the way the foster system works.  (If you want to know more about the process, we would LOVE to share that with you sometime!  But it is a lot of information, so I'm not going to share it here.)  But would you pray for those two little boys?  Would you pray the Lord would protect them from trauma?  Would you pray for their little hearts and minds?  Would you pray their transition into our home (whether they want it or not) to be a smooth one and a happy one?  Would you pray they are open to Jesus' love?

- And for now, my last prayer request is one we've had for several months now - simply, that Dan and I would get good sleep.  Our girls (for numerous, varying reasons) have not been sleeping well the last few months.  They slept so well as babies, and neither Dan or I function well with little sleep.  This lack of sleep has a way of discouraging us and making us think we surely are not capable of taking on more kids.  Would you pray not only for more sleep, but for clear thinking for us when we are tired?  OF COURSE we can't take on more kids!  (Well, not in our own strength...)  Of course we are going to have to rely on God's grace every single day of this process!  That just gets harder to do when we are so tired. 

Dan and I are going to both try to keep this blog up in order to share our journey with you - thank you in advance for your prayers - they are the most powerful support you could give our family this year!  Until the next update, what leaps of faith is Jesus asking you to take today?